Write a paragraph, as exciting as the film, to describe this scene.
Steps to success:
- Use short sentences.
- Use exciting/unusual words.
- Tell us about how the characters FEEL as well as what they DO.
Carrdyke Federation Blog
Walcott Primary School & Mrs Mary King's C of E Primary School
Moments later, a mysterious creature appeared in the darkness. From out of nowhere Cars where screeching there breaks and coming to a halt to see this unknown creature. It came out of a ufo with a shining red light which was blinding. Mean while he was out,Suddenly something caught his eye it was a light brightly shining, brighter than the sun. These people saw a glimpse of it then suddenly this creature started to run as fast as he possible could, the people where aiming there there lights at it getting closer and closer. The creature just didn’t know what to do so many things where going on at the same time.
Seconds later they got as close as they would be able to then it got lights shining so bright it was like it, was paralysed. Then suddenly he froze like ice and felt like he was about to go to faint . Suddenly his ufo was leaving, setting of. This creature was lost…
Wow! Lewis this is brilliant! 2tp. I love that you have used phrases like ‘just didn’t know what to do’ and ‘as fast as he possibly could’. 😀
Try to read through your writing and check where the full stops go, such as ‘Suddenly something caught his eye’ should be a short dramatic sentence (so a full stop is needed). Also check your ‘there’ and ‘their’.
Over there in the trees.
Their bikes were nice and shiny.
Well done Lewis. Your work is great
check your work twice but over all it was great
I like how you put the cars was screeching
next time sometimes use short sentences.
Excellent Lewis, I like how you say moments later it makes me want to read on and find out more.
Maybe next time you could explain how the creature was feeling.
Moments later, a mysterious creature appeared in the darkness. From out of nowhere, cars where screeching there breaks and coming to a halt.To see this unknown creature. It came out of a ufo (unidentified flying object) with a shining red light which was blinding. In seconds he was out of his ufo.Suddenly something caught his eye, it was a light brightly shining, brighter than the sun. These people saw a glimpse of it then suddenly,this creature started to run as fast as he possible could.The people where aiming there lights at it getting closer and closer. The creature just didn’t know what to do so many things where going on at the same time.
Seconds later they got as close as they would be able to. So it got lights shining so bright it was like, it was paralysed. Then suddenly he froze like ice and, felt like it was about to faint. Suddenly his ufo was leaving, so quickly it was faster than anything that your eyes could see. This creature was running, trying to get there but he was to late. Will he ever get to his ufo again?
After a while the creature was wondering around in the damp forest then he pulled out a weed then he started wondering off again then he stopped at a cliff. The creature saw some bright lights off a city. Then he kept on walking then he hid behind a bush.
Then suddenly some cars came. And all you could hear was car brakes screeching to a halt . Then it was paralysed. Then men were coming out off there cars with torches one off the men shined there touch in a car. Then a creatures chest was glowing and the men suddenly turned around. And saw the creature. Then the creature screened and ran away and the men ran to then the creature was breathing heavily however he was to late it’s ship left.
You have included lots of lovely descriptions in your writing Aaron! 🙂 2tp. Remember to check through your writing and make sure that you have included full stops at the end of your sentences. ‘After a while (,) the creature was wondering around in the damp forest(.) (T)then he pulled out a weed(.) ‘ Also, try to avoid using ‘then’ at the start of all of your sentences.
Wow Aaron:) I liked that you used after a while. :Mrgreen: Next time try not to use too many (thens) and make sure it makes sense.
After a while, the creature was wondering around in the damp forest .Then he pulled out a weed before it started wondering off again then he stopped suddenly at a edge of a cliff. The creature was stunned of some bright lights of a city. Then he kept on walking all of a sudden it hid behind a bush
Then suddenly some cars came. And all you could hear was car brakes screeching to a halt . it was paralysed. men were coming out of there cars with torches surprisingly one of the men shined there touch in a car. The creature’s chest was glowing and the men suddenly turned around. And saw the creature. The creature was screaming it’s head off and ran away and the men ran too. The creature was breathing heavily. It was to late it’s ship left.
Moments later, the flash became clearer. The creature started to make a noise. It sounded like a growl. When he went Deeper into the forest, it got darker and darker. All of a sudden the world turned pitch black. He carried on walking until… he saw a red light start to move.
Then he saw another light. All of a sudden, he saw a huge group of lights. No way was he going towards that. Then he turned around about to run away, however he saw a light on its own and thought he would see what it was. It seemed as if they only light up when they were trying to communicate. It paused. It was to worn out. This was his chance, his chance to catch that creature once and for all. Then it started to run, it seemed as if it was running faster then the speed of light!
He chased after it, however it was just to fast for him. All of a sudden, he saw an unidentified object (U.F.O.) flying through the sky. He stared in amazement as it took of, but then he saw a light still. It must have been an alien that has been left behind.
WOW! Kasey that was amazing 😀 I like how you put ‘moments later’and ‘all of a sudden’ and I also like that you used ‘however’:Mr green: when you use creature once you have to carry on using creature.
Wow Kasey it’s amazing 😀
try use similes and metaphors.
Moments later, a strange creature appeared in the darkness of the sky. Then this strange creature got addicted to the headlights. Suddenly 4 jeeps came to a halt 8 men jumped out of the jeeps and went into soggy wet mud like slime.Then there was rat tiling keys. Suddenly the creature’s chest glowed red like polished red Rubys. It Stood still in fear.
Seconds later he skidded and screamed.He ran over all the obstacles in front of this creature. Then there was a scream. Torches were flashing. The creature was scared and frightened. The creature’s heart raced as he ran across the dirt. This mysterious creature’s unidentified flying object (ufo) was closing he was to late the ufo it had gone and he was left behind.
Wow Megan! I really liked how you used ‘8 men got out the jeeps and stood in sloppy wet mud like slime’
Try not to use the same word twice in the same sentence.
Moments later, a strange creature appeared in the darkness of the sky. Then this strange creature got addicted and mesmerised to the headlights. Later as it was still looking at the head lights it was small so it could barely see with all the grass in it’s face.
Suddenly 4 dirty muddy old looking jeeps arrived and came to a halt. 8 men jumped out like a monkey swinging on trees. They raced through the soggy wet mud. The mud was like like slime in a ditch.Then there was rattling keys from the men.
A few moments later the creature’s chest glowed red like polished red Rubies on a dresser at a house. It Stood still in fear as the as the mist covered it like a blanket.Seconds later he skidded and screamed. Then the men saw a minute black shadowy figure.
The creature was breathing as fast as a cheetah running. He ran over all the obstacles in front of this it.suddenly there was a scream. It sounded like it is out of this world. Torches were flashing. The creature was scared and frightened. The creature’s heart raced as he ran across the dirt. This mysterious creature’s unidentified flying object (ufo) was closing he was to late the ufo it had gone and he was left behind. He was left behind. He was too late…
A creature crept out of the the bushes to look at all the lights shining, like the moon in the distance. The creature had never seen lights in his whole entire life except the ones on his mother ship. The other creatures came out, but just as they did they were paralysed as the signal sounded that something was near. The creature was split up from the group like a piece of paper cut in half. The creature didn’t here the siren. The other creatures were boarding the ship while the the other creature was watching the mysterious lights and couldn’t hear the signal. But then it was to late. No one could help it now.
Headlights came past making the thing want to go home. The wheels of the RV erased half of the world. The creature paused. The flash lights borrowed through the woods. The creature thought it’s body was going to give up on it. It’s heart was pumping so fast it thought it’s vanes were going to pop and his lung going to burst. It said in its mind it’s going to die or have a panic attack. Suddenly it heard the signal and so did the humans. It started to do a deathly scream. Then it ran. The humans followed it. When it finally got to the mother ship it had already gone. The only thing for the creature to do was go into the human world.
Wow Joseph! I liked how you used the creature paused. Next step, maybe add a few
more similes.
I really enjoyed reading this Joseph! 🙂 I like the detail and interesting descriptions that you have used. 2tp. Many of your sentences start with ‘The’ which can make it very repetitive. Check your spellings and make sure that you have used the correct word, such as ‘here’ and ‘hear’.
A creature crept out of the the bushes to look at all the lights shining, like the moon in the distance. zooming like a torpedo to the creatures eyes were all the dazzling lights in the humongous city. It had never seen lights in his whole entire life except the ones on it’s holy mother ship. All the other creatures came out, but just as they did they were paralysed as the signal sounded that something was near. They all called for the youngest creature. It was split up from the group like a piece of paper cut in half. The creature didn’t here a thing. All the other creatures were boarding the ship with the sea of lights while the the other creature was watching the mysterious lights in the city in the calm nights breeze,But then it was to late. That night could have been it’s last.
Headlights came past making the creature have a panic attack and wanting to go home. The wheels of the RV erased half of the world as the breaks in the wet muddy puddles the day had left. Suddenly the creature paused. All of the flash lights borrowed through the woods as the the creature breathed heavily through the leaves of the bush. It thought it’s body was going to give up on it. It’s heart was pumping so fast it thought it’s vanes were going to pop and his lung going to burst. It said in its mind it’s going to see it’s last night to night or never get back home. Suddenly it heard the signal and so did the humans as the sound raced across the woods. The creature started to do a deathly scream. Then it ran. Every human followed it like someone who was chasing a chicken because it escaped. When it finally got to the mother ship it had already gone. It was too dangerous to let the creature on the ship. The only thing for the creature to do was go into the human world and either die or survive.
One creature came from this mysterious machine .This machine had terrifying spikes on top. The creature peeked over the hill and was stunned in amazement. It had never seen anything like it.
Then cars screeched in at a halt . The creature ran in fear. The torch light ran through the wood. More cars ran to a halt. Then the creature was to late the ufo took off to early and left him behind.
The Alien ran and screamed. It had no idea of what to do. It was horrific.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?
WOW! That was great. I like that you added WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? 😎
:mr green: try to tell about how the alien is feeling.
WOW Micheal that was great I like that You added WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? And that you described that the torches ran though the forest. I also like that you said terrifing spikes. 😎 .
next time add how the alien is feeling and probable add some similes and metaphors.
E.T
By Chloe
Many minutes later, creatures came out of the object looking curiously at something. Something that they had never seen before. It was desperate to know what they were looking at. One of the creatures got distracted and walked away. It walked for a long time when he released he got lost. Before it could run to the shuttle, land rovers, fords and minis came to the place the creature was. It was scary for it as the cars stopped suddenly. Out of the cars came 3 groups of 7 men. 3 in the Land Rovers, 2 in the minis and 2 in the fords. There were so many the creature hid. The men had torches as bright as a blinding star. Suddenly a red glow came from the creatures chest. It squealed and ran for its life! It tried to get back to its shuttle but when it got there the gate closed and left the poor creature in its last place. The men however, shone there torches to find the creature. It was as scared as a fox finding a human being.
“Find it men” it would hear them say as it ran.”don’t let it get away!”
The night was soon quiet. It was a silent night. The wind blew hard on the creatures face, as he ran. As soon as the men were out of sight, the creature stopped. It paused. It was scared. It heard a noise. Out of nowhere came a man. More men.
“I here it men” came a voice from the gang.
They all were at top speed. It was almost as if it was calling,
“Run, run, run, run!”
The men were getting closer and closer. Even closer, closer, closer, closer and closer until they stopped. They saw, looking curiously, the creature. They turned to leave it be.They had one last look and went. However they didn’t know that it was looking at a beautiful view!
Wow! Chloe this is a superb piece of writing! 2tp. You have really got the idea about using short dramatic sentences.
Try to check that the pronoun is the same throughout ‘it’ or ‘he’. Your first paragraph has a lot of detail, I think it would be better if it was in two paragraphs. The first one introducing the character exploring the forest and then the second would be where the men arrive. Also try to avoid using numbers in writing, so put ‘two’ instead of the number (2).
E.T
By Chloe
My improvement
Many minutes later, creatures came out of the UFO (unidentified flying object) looking curiously at something. Something that they had never seen before. It was desperate to know what they were looking at. One of the creatures got distracted and walked away. It walked for a long time when he released he got lost. Before it could run to the UFO, land rovers, fords and minis came to the place the creature was. It was scary for it as the cars
stopped suddenly.
Out of the cars came three groups of men. There were seven altogether. Three in the Land Rovers, two in the minis, and two in the fords. There were so many the creature hid behind the tall grass. The grass it hid behind was the tallest pice it could find. The men had torches as bright as a blinding star in the twinkling sky. Suddenly a red glow came from the creatures chest. It was like it was telling it something. Giving it a warning. A bad one! It squealed as soon as the men looked away, and ran for its life! It tried to get back to the UFO but when it got there the gate closed and left the poor creature in its last place. The men however, shone there torches to find the creature, but it was so dark even the torches couldn’t find it. It was as scared as a fox finding a human being.
“Find it men” it would hear them say as it ran.”don’t let it get away!”
They soon saw the red glow and ran after it, but one of them tripped over a rock! That slowed him down! The rest has to pick him up.
The night was soon quiet. It was a silent night. The wind blew hard on the creatures face, as he ran. As soon as the men were out of sight, the creature stopped. It paused. It was scared. It knew something saw it. A noise came from behind him. Out of nowhere came a man. Two men. Three, four. Five. Loads of men were shouting and bouncing. Some where running as normal.
“I here it men” came a voice from the gang.
They all were at top speed. The thing huffed and puffed and squealed. It was almost as if it were saying,
“Run, run, run, run!”
The men were getting closer and closer. Closer every second, minute and even hour, until they stopped. They saw, looking curiously, the creature. They turned to leave it be alone. To let it see what it saw.They had one last look and went. However they didn’t know that it was looking at a beautiful view! A view that all the others saw when it ran off. Got distracted. It then knew that if it stayed with the others they could tell it what they fought about the view. It was so upset. Guilty. Sad! SOMETHING WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT WHAT?…
Many minutes later, the mysterious creature ran threw the forest and came to the dead end and came to a holt. It snapped a branch and it saw city lights glowing brightly down the hill the you could see miles and miles away. As it blinked, 2 cars with 2 people inside each one came skidding around corner with bright bright lights. The 4 people saw the creature and stopped as tire marks wreaked up the ground badly. The creature got stunned as fell to ground behind the long grass. The creature did’t move a single muscle.
When the 4 men shut there doors to explore. the creature squealed loudly like it had been shot and it did’t sound like any thing on this planet. It dashed through the forest quickly. The leaves fell as the creature pushed the long branch. The creature’s heart raced. As the creature raced through the forest they was a metal door closing it looked like a gigantic space ship with aliens in there. The Alien in the space ship door must alerted every alien there. That there taking of but the alien what got chased was to late! Lights lit up and it took of. Everywhere turned red and orange as the space ship was in the sky it was like a star zooming of to the moon. What will happen next?
Wow 😎 Vinny I really like it, I like how you said he did not move a muscle. Next time
check your spellings and read, and check
Well done Vinny, I like your adverbiale phrase ( many munites later) I also like your adjectives. At brightly down the hill remember to put a full stop :Mrgreen: next time use metaphors and personification.
Well done Vinny, I like descriptions.
next time use metaphors and personification.
Many minutes later, the mysterious creature ran threw the forest and came to the dead end and came to a halt. It snapped a branch and it saw city lights glowing brightly down the hill. You could see the lights from miles and miles away. As it blinked, 2 jeeps with 2 people inside each one came skidding around corner with bright bright lights. The 4 people saw the creature and stopped as tire marks wrecked up the ground badly. The creature got stunned as it fell to ground behind the long green grass. The creature did’t move a single muscle.
When the 4 men shut their doors to explore, the creature squealed loudly like it had been shot and it did’t sound like anything from this planet. It dashed through the forest quickly. The leaves fell as the creature pushed the long branch. The creature’s heart raced! As the creature raced through the forest they was a metal door closing it looked like a gigantic space ship with weird figures what looked like aliens in side there. The Alien in the space ship door must alerted every alien there. That there taking off but the alien,what got chased was to late! Lights lit up and the space ship took off. Everywhere turned red and orange as the space ship was in the sky it was like a star flying of to the moon. The alien got left behind and it started walking back threw the forest slowly looking down. When the alien was out the forest it looked up and saw a big house and started walking towards the house then it saw a light flickering on and off then something appeared…
Wow Vinny that was amazing! I liked your descriptions and you didn’t reveal the alien straight away.
next time check through but it really was good.
The mysterious creature looked on at the city lights with amassment. It had never seen anything like it.Suddenly headlights blinded the creature. It felt terrified. The terrible screeching of car breaks could be heard from all over the forest. It stood still as the torch light swept towards it.
The creature heard the signal. The creatures were leaving. It knew it had to run now. The creature let out a scream as he raced of through the woods the men from the cars not far behind. The creature ran faster and faster but the creature was to late. It watched sadly as the spaceship flew of. It had been left behind.
Wow Pollyanna that was amazing! 🙂
That was great Pollyanna. I loved it I wish I could read more! 😎 .
you need to check your spellings like amazement and a space after a full stop on suddenly.
The mysterious creature looked on at the bright glowing city lights with amazement. It had never seen anything like it. Suddenly, headlights blinded the creature and lit up the dark gloomy forest. It felt terrified. The terrible screeching of car breaks could be heard from all over the forest. It stood still as the torch light swept towards it.
It heard the signal. The other creatures were leaving. It knew it had to run now. The creature let out a scream as he raced of through the woods the men from the cars not far behind. The creature ran faster and faster it felt like the tree branches were trying to grab it. The creature could have easily tripped. It was to late. The creature watched sadly as the spaceship flew of. This creature had been left behind.
A mysterious creature quietly crept through the frightening forest. The creature looked on through the city staring at all of the street lights in fascination. Not knowing what was going to happen any second, a big truck screeched to a halt, and then three other trucks blocked the creature in. It was like a animal in a cage at the zoo. Without hesitation, the creature ran as fast as it could towards some bushes. You could here heavy breathing coming from the bushes. Some men charged out of the cars. The torches that the men were holding flashed on. The men ran around trying to find the creature.
The creature carefully tiptoed in direction of a strange vehicle. The creature sighed in relief that he had got to safety. The creature waved and some lights turned on. The men got disappointed that they didn’t catch the creature, however it did not get them down. The creature took off like a rocket. It was an unidentified flying object (UFO). As for the men, they left quite tired.
Wow! Evie I like how you used ufo in your writing and when you used ‘said’ for the men. :mr green: try to use a lipsil and also use short sentences.
A mysterious creature quietly crept through the frightening forest towards the edge of a very steep cliff. It had got out of a strange object and lost the rest of his friends earlier on. In fascination, the creature looked on through the city staring at all of the street lights. As for the creature, the lights looked amazing, because it had never seen them before, but as for a human, it would be completely normal for them. Not knowing what was going to happen any second, a gigantic truck screeched to a halt. Then, three other trucks blocked the creature in. It was like an animal trapped in a cage. Without hesitation, the creature ran as fast as it could towards some bushes. Some men charged out of the cars. The torches that the men were holding flashed on. The men ran around trying to find the creature. Then they heard a noise! It was coming from the bushes. The noise was the creature breathing heavily. Then it’s tummy started to glow! The men then saw the glow and ran to the bushes, however they ran to the wrong bushes. So not only could the men hear breathing now, they could see the glowing tummy. When the creature’s tummy was glowing, that meant he was petrified…
As the creature was trembling, it carefully tiptoed in direction of a strange vehicle. It sighed in relief that he had got to safety. The creature waved and some lights turned off. The men got disappointed that they didn’t catch the creature, however it did not get them down. The creature took off like a rocket. It was an unidentified flying object (UFO). As for the men, they got back in the jeeps and set off into the shinning bright city. The city was getting lighter so the creature and the men could see there way home! The creature new he would never ever go back.
A few minutes later, An unusual creature was walking his way through the forest but then some
Lights has court his eye. Until a really bright light struck the creature,cars and vans that were coming that way towards it. Men came. Then more trucks were spotted there headlight more brighter and that had blocked that beautiful site for that creature. As the people got out with keys that made lots of noise. The creature felling like the wall were closing in on it. Then it’s tummy tuned red then the people looked the way the creature was. The touches bunt though the forest as quick as lighting.Later on that misty night the creatures tummy kept on glowing red and there was lots beeping noises.
Then there is a space ship that had a even wired creature that was waving with it body back and forward. Smoke started again. However there was the other creature that was still running though wet grassy mud. But he was to late.
Well done Keira, I really liked your adverbial phrases such as ‘a few minutes later.’
next time, try and read through and check spelling mistakes. Also remember you don’t have a space at the end of a comma, but you have a space afterwards.
I also thought that ‘then it’s tummy turned red’ was funny.
Well Done! I really liked how you used ‘a few minutes later’ to start of with. It was very dramatic especially towards the end.:D
try to check where you put your capital letters. Also try to use a few more openers like
‘All of a sudden’ and ‘moments later’
A few minutes later, An unusual creature was walking his way through the forest but then some
Lights has court his eye. To that of kind of creature it was an beautiful sight , Until a really bright light struck the creature, cars and vans that were coming that way towards it. Men came. Then more trucks were spotted there headlight more brighter and that had blocked that beautiful site for that creature. As the people got out with keys that made lots of noise. The creature felling like the wall were closing in on it. Then it’s tummy tuned red then the people looked the way the creature was. The touches bunt though the forest as quick as lighting. Later on that misty night the creatures tummy kept on glowing red and there was lots beeping noises.
All of a sudden there was a unidentified flying object (UFO)that had a even wired creature that was waving with it body back and forward. Mean while the other creature was walking his way through the forest but then some smoke was flying out of UFO. However the creature made a sound. Then the it started to run. Though the wet muddy grass. The creature was walked across it but when he walked on it and it was like walking on concrete. Until the, creatures knees felt that they could move any further. However the creatures UFO was taking of. It home was gone for good. There was no going back…
Many moments later,a strange creature ran threw a forest as quickly as he could. Headlights appeared everywhere. Off road vehicles appeared from nowhere were making terrifying noises. The men got out off a car the men walked to a bush.
It’s heart was racing. It was breathing heavily. He paused for seconds. The road was wet and damp. The creature looked at the city lights in wonder huffing and puffing.
Well done Kyle that was amazing! I liked your openers like ‘a few minutes later’. I also liked you did’t say alien first you said a creature and I liked that you said it’s heart was racing, you could of said the creatures heart was racing because maybe someone won’t under stand it. Next step try and use some more similes. Anyway your writing was existing well done! 😎
Wow, Lewis I really like your dramatic sentences.
next time, try to use personification, metaphor and simile. But well done
WOW! Kyle, I really liked your adverbial phrase ‘many moments later’.
next time, try to not to mention the men too much. But really well done.
Many moments later,a strange creature ran threw a forest as quickly as he could. Headlights appeared everywhere. Off road vehicles appeared from nowhere were making terrifying noises. Cars skidded making tire marks wrecking the ground. The men got out off a car the men walked to a bush. The men had torches in there hand pointing in random directions.
The creature heart was racing. It was breathing heavily. He paused for seconds. The road was wet and damp. The creature looked at the city lights in wonder huffing and puffing. The creature ran as fast as lightning. Then the creature jumped behind a bush making a quiet noise. He had no were to go. It was to late the spaceship had left.
Moments later, the flash came closer and the noise got louder and louder. The creature looked down of the high up hills to see the amazing view. Off road vehicles came to a holt. The creature paused. And it started running to try get to the strange object. The people heard the creature and started to run after it.
The creature’s heart was pounding the creature was heavily breathing. The creature was running to some kind of space ship.
Well done Zara. 🙂 I liked how you used good openers like ‘moments later’. I also liked the short dramatic sentence. :Mr green: next time, use similes, metaphors and personification.
Wow Zara I like the part when you said “moments later ” and when you said “the creature paused ” 🙂 :mr green: try to yous some complex sentences .
Zara wow it’s amazing 😮
try to use similes.
Moments later, the creature was walking through the damp soggy forest and something caught it’s eye. It walked closer at the top of the steep clifft it saw dazzling lights. All of a sudden Jeeps screeched to a halt. The door slowly opened and people stepped out. The creature ran and hid behind a bush. The lights shone through the woods. They heard a footstep…
The people ran after the creature. It was breathing heavily. It was to late ufo(unidentified flying object)had left.
One dark night they was a strange shadow in the distance. They was a spay ship in the background what now won no about. Behind the branches they was a red light. A shadow went into the creepy woods. He found a wonderful view. The cars are shining like a Dimond.
They was men coming out off the cars. The creature was running off. The men was shining there lights at the creature was very scared. He didn’t now how to get away. He didn’t get out. It did’t get out because the ship left.
Well done Joseph I liked your writing. I liked were you said ‘one dark night ‘. You spelt space wrong you spelt it like spay but your writing is really good well done!
😎
Wow Joseph B I liked the part when you said “one dark night ” and the adverbial phases 🙂 :mrgreen try to use some similes and metaphors .
Well done good idea 💡 I really liked how you said one dark night there was a strange object in the distance
remember to use smiles and metaphors even maybe personication 😉
Wow Joseph it’s amazing!
try use a simile.
One dark night they was a strange shadow in a far distance. They was a spay ship in the background then what will happen. They was tow fingers they was a bit wrinkly. They came out off now were.
Behind the swingy branches they was a red light.A shadow went into the gloomy woods. He found a wonderful view. The cars were screeching and flashing there lights.
They was men coming out off the cars. The creature was breathing Healy. The men was shining there lights at the creature was very terrified. He didn’t now how to get away but all I can do is how fast. He didn’t get out. It did’t get out because the ship he was buy him self. He was scared.
Very good Joseph 🙂 I especially liked the simile 🙂
After a while, their was a wrinkly creature reached out for a tree. The creature looked up there was loads of lights . Something was coming . Their was eary light flash in the creature face shocking it.
Suddenly two men jumped out of a car curious of the panting the creature ran as fast as a lion his chest glowed red but it was to late, the mothership was taking of . It took of as quick as lighting it
Left the creature.
Wow sasha! I didn’t think you could do such a good pice of wrighting! 🙂 :Mrgreen: next time, read through and make sure it makes sense. Other than that it is amazing! Well done
Wow I like that you used a simile your writings better than mine I think 😀
try use personifacation
After a while, their was a wrinkly sciny creature reached out for a big long tree the tree reaching to the moon.The creature looked up there was loads of lights shining brightly in the moonlight. Something was coming .
Their was eary light flash in the creature face shocking it.
Suddenly two men jumped out of a car curious of the panting the creature ran as fast as a lion his chest glowed red but it was to late, the mothership was taking of . It took of as quick as lighting it
The creature was hart broken as it left it.
The sky lit up.A ufo land and the hash opened lots of creature came ofThe creature hat to stay together.Something caught it’s eye it was so bright. Suddenly it heard a squeak it
Ran as fast as it could his heart started to glow to communicate but the men were to fast.
It couldn’t Get there in time
Well done Oakley. Next time check your spellings.
Good effort Oakley! 🙂 I like the descriptions that you have used. 2tp. Some of your sentences need full stops. Remember that all of it needs to be in the past tense.
In the mine time,
The sky lit up as fast as lightning.A I identified flying objet (ufo)land and the hash opened and lots
of creature came off. The creature hat to stay together or run away and never come back Something caught the creature’s eye it was so bright brute than the sun. Suddenly it heard a squeak it was some cars the creature cautiously at the floor it sore the shadow over the cars. It tried to
Ran as fast as it could,it’s heart started to glow to communicate with the other but the men were to fast.
It couldn’t Get to the ufo in time, it was to late.
The car doors open a man step out Cochise. The man
Started to run so did the creature the creature stopped and hid. The men went on.
The ufo went.
For quite some time, this creature stared at a sea of city lights when suddenly, an off road vehicle skidded to a halt tearing the dirt, with noting but more terror behind it. All five of these fearsome vehicles shone there headlights towards this mystical, wrinkly, green creature stunning it as it dropped like a strike of lightning in horror and fear!
The creature was still, like a little rock hidden behind some tall weeds planted in the night sky soil. Some hunter, detective like men got out of the vehicles and the light from some security torches cut through the vines, grass and leaves. A light, bright enough to lighten the entire universe appeared out of no where blinding the men so the creature could escape into the bushes this was the mother ship. It glowed purple like flames as it launched itself like a cannon pointing directly up, however it was at the speed of light and in the time you could look up. It was gone! Little did they know they had left one behind. What could now be coming for this poor helpless creature?
Wow! Jay I really like your description ‘sea of lights’ to describe the city. 😎 2tp. Remember to check your punctuation, as your first sentence should be two separate sentences. Also check the second sentence where you mention stunning the creature. This needs to have a connective to link the ideas:
‘All five of these fearsome vehicles shone there headlights towards this mystical, wrinkly, green creature stunning it as it dropped like a strike of lightning in horror and fear!’
The creature was still, like a little rock hidden behind some tall weeds planted in the night sky soil. Some hunter, detective like men got out of the vehicles and the light from some security torches cut through the vines, grass and leaves. A light, bright enough to lighten the entire universe appeared out of no where blinding the men so the creature could escape into the bushes this was the mother ship. It glowed purple like flames as it launched itself like a cannon pointing directly up, however it was at the speed of light ,and in the time you could look up. It was gone! Little did they know they had left one behind. What could now be coming for this poor helpless creature?
While the men were wondering what they just experienced, the creature ran as fast as its mother ship could fly, one of the men exclaimed “Get him!”. So let the chase begin.
:Mr green 🙂 it was very good.
Good try Oakley. 🙂 I liked that you used lots of description. :Mrgreen: next time try to use full stops were they should go. Also read through and make sure it makes sense.
Suddenly the jeeps skidded to a halt. The ground was ripped up by the tire marks. The lights spilled into a gloomy forest. The thing started to twitch after looking at the lights in amazement. The men poured out of the jeeps like a flood. The thing stood paralysed as if it had being shot. Then started to look around torch after torch flashing into the bush. Suddenly the thing screamed and the men started to chase it. Then the ship started to take off slowly, the thing was still running towards it but the men blocked the entrance and the thing made a diversion a few bushes. The ship spun around as it took off. The grunts and groans were not deafening but we’re low and silent.
WOW William! I really liked your openers and how you said the ground was ripped up by the tire marks 🙂 also your metaphors such as the lights spilled into the gloomy Forrest
next time use better words but over all, it was really good! 😀
Suddenly the jeeps skidded to a halt. The ground was ripped up by the tyre marks. The lights spilled into the gloomy forest. The thing started to twitch after looking at the lights in amazement. The men poured out of the jeeps like a flood. The thing stood paralysed as if it had been shot.
Moments later, it started to slowly look around. Torch after torch was flashing into the bush. Suddenly the thing screamed and the men started to chase it. Meanwhile the ship had started to take off slowly. The thing was still running towards it but the men blocked the entrance and the thing made a diversion into a few bushes. The ship spun around as it took off. The grunts and groans were not deafening but were low and silent. The ship had taken off and would probably never return!
Moments Later, two jeeps came to a halt. The men got out and ran to the ufo (unidentified flying object). This mysterious creatures fear followed it.
Wow Jake that was super! :mr green: try use more dramatic sentences 😀
Jake well done you had great descriptions 😉
try and use metaphors and smiles but still it was great.
Well done Jake. I had no idea your were such a good writer.
Write more in a paragraph. I think with that much you could get a level 3! Right now I think it’s a level 2b. Well done. WOW!
Moments Later, two jeeps came to a halt. The men got out and ran to the ufo (unidentified flying object). This mysterious creatures fear followed it. The creature was beefing heavily. The creature chile jumped into the bush and hid a way from the men . The creature went back to is home after the jeeps left.
The creature fold them and then they tin a turned around and caught it .they tuck the creature own the ,jeep
A moment later in the mysterious woods a strange object was to bee seen. In that strange object there was some strange creatures. The creatures had something on their chest and that made them communicate. The strange creature rushed through the wavy grass. After that a car
appeared.
The car had lights on it and it blinded the strange creature so the strange creature hid in the wavy gras.when he hid in the wavy gras the strange object set of and the strange creature ran for his life but he missed. His hart was pounding like a raise horse running across a field.
Wow Milly 😀 great work I love how you have said ‘His heart was pounding like a race horse running across a field.’
➡ next time try to add some better adverbial phrases such as ‘out of nowhere’ and ‘moments before that’. 😎
Moments after, a mysterious creature appeared out of spacecraft and stepped on the wet and cold ground,then in the corner off his eye he saw a light. Suddenly of road vehicles approached. As the men walked up to the bush a loomines light glowed. As the thing breathed Heavily as it got blinded by a torch. The thing ran though the forest. It all was silent until the thing stepped on a twig.
Wow! Lilly this is very dramatic. 2tp. 🙂 I like your adjectives you have used and the short sentences.
Try to give more detail in your writing. You mentioned that vehicles appeared, but you didn’t explain that men were in the vehicles. Check your spellings ‘illuminous’ and the word ‘Heavily’ doesn’t need a capital letter .
Moments after, a mysterious creature appeared out of a spacecraft and stepped on the wet and cold ground, then in the corner off his eye he saw a light. Suddenly off road vehicles approached. As the vehicles came to a halt men got out of the jeep. The men walked up to the bush a illumines light glowed. As the thing breathed Heavily as it got blinded by a torch. The thing ran though the dark and damp forest. It was all silent until the thing stepped on a twig. He tried to get back, but it was too late…
One creature came from this mysterious machine .This machine had terrifying spikes on top .The spikes were as sharp as a knife. The creature peeked over the hill and was stunned in amazement. It had never seen anything like it.
Then cars screeched in at a halt . The creature ran in fear. The torch light ran through the wood. More cars ran to a halt. Then the creature was to late the ufo took off to early and left him .
It was like its body was going to give up on it. No alien had ever experienced this before.
The Alien ran and screamed. It had no idea of what to do this had never happened before.it was horrific!
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?
Moments later, the flash became clearer. The creature started to make a noise. It sounded as if it was growling at the man. When the man went Deeper into the forest, the world got darker and darker. All of a sudden the world turned pitch black. He carried on walking until… he saw a red light start to move.
Then he saw another light in the corner of his eye. All of a sudden, he saw a huge group of red lights. Then he turned around about to run away, however he saw a light in the middle of the forest and thought he would see what it was. It seemed as if the creatures only light up when they were trying to communicate with each other. Then it paused. It was breathing really heavily. This was his chance, his chance to catch that creature once and for all. Then it started to run. It seemed as if it was running faster then the speed of light.
He chased after it, however it was just to fast for him. All of a sudden, he saw an unidentified flying object (U.F.O.) flying through the sky. The man stared in amazement as it took of through the sky, however then he saw a light still. It must have been an alien that had been left behind.
What will happen next…
A moment later in the mysterious woods a strange object was to bee seen. In that strange object there was some strange creatures. The creatures had something on their chest and that made them communicate. The strange creature rushed through the wavy grass. After that a car
appeared.
The car had lights on it and it blinded the “strange creature so the strange creature hid in the wavy gras.when he hid in the wavy gras the creature,s hart was pounding like a rase hors running across a filed.the thing set of. the object was trying to catch up but it was to late.