At both Walcott and Mrs Mary King’s Primary School, the children have been working extremely hard writing diary entries. Linked to the Oliver Twist book, the children have been imagining that they are Oliver Twist and have written a diary entry as him. We would love to know what you think of them.
What have they done well? What could they do to make it even better for next time?
Mr McCann & Mr Churchward
Thursday 11th September 1840
Dear Diary,
This morning I woke up, I was so tired I would not get out of bed.To get me out of my bed the other boys started to punch me and elbow me! Then … Mr bumble came in the room, so the room went as quiet as a mice for a second.
Then we all went out of the dormitory and sat down at some tables.I wish I could live somewhere else this work house is horrible it smells like old socks and everyone is treated so Badly here.
The food is horrible gruel I hate my life it is so bad! Standing there was Mr Bumble and Mrs Mann. I started to walk up to them as I got closer to them I was so nervous, I asked them for more gruel…then Mr bumble said more you are ungrateful then they shouted at me!
Guards chased me around the room! They caught me then Mr bumble took me out side and he tried to sell me to a complete stranger for some money I was so sad, I wish Mr Bumble was nice!
You did a great job kasey, I would like to hear more about Mr Bumble.
from William 🙂
Wow well done Kasey! I really like your simile 🙂 I wouldn’t like to live in a place that smelt like old socks either! Did Mr Bumble sell you?
Mrs Conyers 🙂
Well done Kasey! Your description was great, but make sure your sentences make sense. 😀
You did a good diary, next time talk a bit more about Oliver. From Aaron 🙂
Wow that’s great, but next time Kasey you could include some personification. From Joseph
Great effort Kasey! 3tp. 🙂 I love the simile that you used ‘as quiet as a mouse’.
Try to check your sentences to make sure that you haven’t missed out punctuation.
Thursday 11th September 1840
Dear Diary,
When I woke up I had a bad back, because my bed was lumpy. I was scared of the dark, because it was as dark as a bats cave. All the boys picked on me.
I heard Mrs Mann ring the bell. Then the dormitory door opened. I couldn’t stop thinking about food. The gruel went splat into the bowl. We picked a straw whoever got the longest was the unlucky one I was the unlucky one! I was scared and worried.
I was walking to mr bumble my heart was pounding as fast as a cheater. Then I got to mr bumble and I said ” please May I have some more? ” Mr Bumble said ” What? More?” I crawled under the bench the other boys were kicking me. Then Mr Bumble asked for my name I said ” Oliver Twist ” . Then he was tying to sell me on the streets.
Aaron yours is excellent. From William
Wow Aaron that was great 8) but next time you could have used some more similes. From Joseph
One morning I woke up in the workhouse. I was called down the rickety stairs for the gruel. I drew straws and whoever drew the longest straw would have to ask Mr Bumble for another bowl of gruel. The gruel was horrible as we were sat in the dull hall. It was dark in the work house.
Mr Bumble made me do horrible work. As I walked up the row I was petrified and fighting to speak. I didn’t move a muscle because I was scared of Mr Bumble. When I asked him he shouted at me and I ran as quick as lightening. Then the cooks were chasing me around the sickening hall. I got thrown in to the coal cellar, I felt very scared mr bumble told me that my punishment was about to start.
Thursday 11th September 1840
Today was like any other day in my dormitory . Laying down on the
Uncomfortable squeaky bed with 49 other boys.I was wearing Itchy
Rags . Then I could smell the lumped gruel drifting through the air .
Then the deafening bell rang,and mr Bumble walked in with his
usual happy mode! Then I walked down the steep stairs with our hard
Metal bowls .The hall was as a dark as a gloomy cupboard .
After we all lined up one by one to get our horrid lumped gruel.We had to wait for mr Bumble to say our prayer. Then we had our gruel it taste like sick.The boys on my table had a good idea to draw straws so all of them picked up a straw,then one of the boys on my table nudged me so I picked one my heat was pounding.i was shifting with fear. As i slowly walk forward
to mr Bumble .I asked mr Bumble if I could have some more and then he became really angry! So I dropped my hard metal bowl .But the cooks tried to
Get me.
Then I crawled underneath the table all the boys kept kicking me.
I ran onto the metal bars ,then the bars came lose then they court me then they put me in the sell. I felt lonely.
Well done Keira! It was very interesting 🙂
Well done Keira great use of description and similies!
Well done Keira I really like your piece of writing 80 WOW
Well done Michael that was really good, however try not to talk about things too quickly. 8-D
Good work:-) from Jamie
Great writing Aaron! I like your sentence were you say you can’t stop thing about food 🙂 thinking about what Mr McCann said about having speech marks in a diary maybe you could change this? Well done 🙂
Well done great work!
Well done Aaron! Great work, next time try to do a bit more in your paragraphs. 😉
Wow Aaron that was great! 😀
Well done Aaron that was great. From Millie 😀
Wow! Well done Aaron! 3tp. 🙂 I can tell that you have tried very hard with this, and I like that you have written in paragraphs.
Try to include adverbial phrases (After a while, Later that day,) or time connectives at the start of your paragraphs. This will help the reader to understand the order better.
Well done Aaron! I really like your Oliver Twist diary entry I like how you have used the word splat.
next time just try make it a bit more exiting.
Thursday 11th September 1859
Today was a horrible day and I’m not very happy about it. It was like a nightmare and I felt trapped. I woke up to the sound of annoying voices and I cannot stand it here in this building any longer.
After a while I heard the sound of the deafening bell telling me I had to walk down the hall that was as dark as a train tunnel. The old horrible splintering stairs took me to the dusty hall where I had to eat with 49 other boys.
The old walls looked like they could fall down at any minute. The gruel bubbled in the rusty old cauldron.
My heart was pounding as fast the mallard. I walked as slow as a slug to Mr Bumble. It was all my fault because I pulled the longest straw. I stood in front of Mr Bumble and I asked for some more.
Mr Bumble shouted and I asked again and he roared loudly in my face and ordered every child and the chef to catch me. I ran as fast as I could under and over benches, I climbed up the metal bars on the windows but as soon as I got up to 2 metres I fell and landed on the children and then I knew I was doomed as they carried me off!
You did an excellent story next time talk about the dormitory. From Aaron 🙂
I like your Oliver Twist Diary entry. Next time you could use a word like shouting at me instead of wwhhhaaatttttt!
William that’s amazing. I liked it when you said the walls where about to fall down 😉
Well done William! I like your description. 😎
Fantastic diary entry William! 😀 3tp. I love the exciting descriptions that you have used. Such as “as dark as a train tunnel”.
Next time, try to check your punctuation in your sentences. Some of your sentences need an extra full stop as they are quite long.
I really liked the bit when you said how high Oliver Twist climbed up.will
I woke up from the wooden bed with 50 boys in same room I felt fed up here. It was just work, work, work, all day long. I just had a little bowl of gruel everyday, I woke up smelling gruel. Everyday was a nightmare. I walked down stairs slowly with everybody then we got our sloppy gruel.
I didn’t enjoy it but that’s all we got to survive.The hall was
as dark as a bats cave. It was as eerie as a dungeon. The building was as ancient as a mummy. As we ate our gruel we gave everybody a straw whoever had the longest straw must go and ask Mr Bumble for more food, and it was me.
As it was me I was petrified of asking him for more. My heart was about to leap out. After I walked slow as a snail. I didn’t wan’t to do it but I had to. I walked to Mr Bumble scared and frightened. I asked cautiously some more gruel, but Mr Bumble shouted at me I dropped my bowl and ran off. Then everybody was chasing me. I was running and running and running on the table, under the table, over and over and over again. Finally they caught me and took me to Mr Bumble.
Thursday 11th September 1859
Last night was the most terrible night. The beds were more uncomfortable than ever, it was absolutely freezing and the blankets weren’t actually blankets. Also it is hard trying to get to sleep with 49 other boys in there. But I didn’t know what other horrible thing was going to happen.
Suddenly the bell rang, we walked down the hall and it was as dark as the dead mans cloak. As I went to get my sloppy serving of gruel I looked away as I had it everyday of my life. When Mr Bumble knocked his staff on the floor, we all ate. After we had eaten we pulled out straws and I got the biggest straw, so I had to ask Mr Bumble for some more. But that was a very stupid thing to do.
As I walked slowly to Mr Bumble my heart dropped. Finally I asked for more as I was shivering like a leaf. Now my heart was pounding. Mr Bumble shouted at me in a deafening sound. And that was the worst part of the day.
Suddenly people came from each corner of the room then the chase started. I climbed on a table. Now my heart was pounding even more. I leaped from table to table. The wind told me to run like a cheetah. I leaped on the window bars but finally they caught me.
That was amazing Lewis. Next time try to use some personification. 😀
That was great! From Millie 😀
Well done Lewis! Your description is great. 🙂
Thursday 11th September 1840
Today, was the most horrible day ever in the cobweb covered dormitory. When I woke up The most terrible thing happened to me. All I could see wasps the other boys sat down near the steaming fire. Then we heard Mrs Mann call us for work. Mr Bumble was not, he was to busy being In a happy mood dancing around his bedroom! Then Mrs Mann rang the bell ready with the gruel. On the way some of the boys stopped to look into Mr Bumble’s office. Then they saw the boys so they began to run away. When I sat down, all of the boys were each freezing cold. The gruel was
daunting in each boys wooden bowl.
After we ate the gruel we began to draw straws. Who ever had the longest straw, would go and ask Mr Bumble for some more. Then we began to draw straws. I needed to because I had the longest straw! I was the unlucky one. When I went up I was as hot as fire. I could not believe my eyes. I could shout at Mr Bumble. So I could whisper or talk. I had to be quiet. So that leaves out talks. So I just had to whisper. ( not talk )
Then when I went up to him he snorted and then shouted at me! All I said was “please Mr may I have some more?” And that was how he treated me. Because of his bad behaviour I ran all around the hall just to get away from this horrifying place. When I got hold of the railings all, of the crew got hold of me and decided to pick me up. Then he walked me around the hall whitest holding on to my ear. After that we both went to village and he tried to sell me!
Tuesday 9th September 1853
This morning I was awoken by disgusting smell of the dusty pillows and gruel. I jumped out of bed and quickly dressed into my old, smelly rags. The bell rang and I almost jumped out of my skin I went downstairs for breakfast.
The hall was as dark as a pitch black cave. I took my place beside my friend when we had finished our gruel my friend nudged me and said come on pick a straw. I took a straw another boy kicked me then I found out!
It truly was a horrible day I had to ask mr bumble for another portion of gruel! I slowly walked up to mr bumble. I stopped in front of him. He stared down at me with his cruel eyes. I asked for some more. His face grew red. He couldn’t believe that I had asked him for more. He screamed.
The chase began I ran and ran. Round and round over the table dodging evil hands. I rolled under the table and through the cooks legs. I thought it would never end. Everyone was cheering me on. Then it happened I grabbed the bars on the window but lost my grip and fell! They caught me!
Well done Pollyanna! You’ve written an exciting description in your diary entry! 🙂 3tp. I like the metaphor you used to describe how you almost jumped out of your skin!
Try to read through your writing to check that it makes sense. You have missed capitals for characters’ names. Sometimes there is also a word missing in your sentence.
Wow that was great Pollyanna 8) but next time you could have used some more similes. From Joseph
Wow that was great pollyanna. From Joseph.s 8)
Thursday 11th September 1842
The day started really badly because first I fell out of bed. All the other 49 boys in the dormitory were all grumpy, because they were waiting to get up. I quickly got up off the floor and got ready. Then everyone started to walk down the unstable stairs whilst singing. We finally reached the bottom of the staircase and we tiredly walked in to the hall.
Everyone grabbed a bowl and walked to the cauldron of gruel that was on top of the boiling hot fire that danced in the air. When we got our gruel, we went over to the benches to eat and draw straws. who ever drew the longest straw had to go to Mr. Bumble and ask for seconds.
All the other boys and I drew straws at that moment, my heart felt like it was disintegrating into little pieces. I unfortunately picked the longest straw so I had to go ask for seconds. All the boys elbowed me. I picked up me bowl and slowly started to head in Mr. Bumbles direction who curiously stared at me! When I finally reached him I nervously began to ask. He shouted at me so I dropped my bowl, and ran around the hall with the 4 cooks chasing me, I went under the tables and the boys were kicking me. I ran on top of tables then I pulled down the window down but cooks grabbed me and tuck me to Mr. Bumble and he punished me by making me go to bed early!
Good I liked when you said we walked down the staris singing and whistle 😎 .
Wow! This is a great piece of writing Evie! 3tp. I love the personification that you used to describe the fire underneath the cauldron!
Try to use adverbial phrases at the start of your paragraphs. ‘After a while’ ‘a few minutes later’
Thursday 11th September 1850
Dear Diary,
Today was a horrible day I had such a bad sleep I was so cold shivering. I’d rather sleep out side on the uncomfortable cobbles. After a while Mrs Mann rang the deafening bell and we slowly walked down the steep stairs. After a while Mrs Mann and Mr Bumble crossly came In and suddenly we all went silent. We had to say a prayer before we eat our sloppy gruel.
Than we drew straws to see who had the longest straw it was me. I slowly walked down gloomy hall. I shriving with fear and all the other boys stared at me like I was a stranger. I soon reached the pale black cauldron and asked for more sloppy gruel pleas sir can I have some more.
I dropped the blow and I got chased around the dark gloomy hall. I crawled under tables I got kicked by the other boys and soon they picked me up,and asked me my name, my name is Oliver,and they grabbed me by my ear and through me in to the dormitory.
Very good 😀
Very good Zara 😀
Well done Zara I liked the way you have used lots of adjectives but next time don’t make your sentences so long .
Thursday 11th September 1840
Dear Diary,
This morning I woke up, I did’t get a good night sleep because the beds are so uncomfortable in the dormitory. Then Mr Bumble told us to go down for our gruel, the evilness bubbled in the cauldron as the children all gathered around. We walked down stairs tiredly. Then Mr Mann rang the bell and everyone stopped silently. Cautiously we got down stairs and we all got a bowl it was my turn. Mr Bumble splattered soup in my bowl. Mr Bumble was as horrible as an lion attacking it’s prey, well he looked like that any way. I sat on the horrible benches and stared at my soup it was wet soggy and disgusting. I picked up the spoon I did’t want to eat it but mrs Mann told us to hurry up. I had the hiccups I always have the hiccups because we eat it too fast. (This is were my most horrible day ever started in the world.)
After a while we drew straws, I had the longest straw and had to ask mr Bumble for another portion of disgusting gruel. I took my first step I was furies I was slow as a slug going to it’s food I was walking slower and slower finally I reached mr Bumble. My heart almost popped out. Mr Bumble’s eyes was as red as a raccoon’s red eyes in the sun and his face was as purple as a squashed blackberry. I dropped my bowl and it smashed in smithereens. I ran, my heart was pounding as fast as a king fisher diving down to catch some fish. I jumped on the tables then I jumped on the windows. I fell but as I fell the cooks caught me and took me to Mr Bumble and he locked me into the cellar at least I am out of the dull workhouse.
Well done vinny! Your description is amazing , but remember to check your spellings. From Megan 😀
Good simile. Remember to check your sentences. 😎
Thursday 11th September 1845
Dear diary
Today was another ordinary day in the workhouse, well not for me I did not know what Mr Bumble had planed. I didn’t like sleeping in the dormitory this felt like a nightmare. I could smell the steamy sloppy gruel out of the rusty cauldron and it smells disgusting.
After that Mrs Man rung the bell then we froze like an ice cube. Then we walked down the creaky stairs. I saw the hall was as dark as the midnight sky then we said the prayer. Then we gulped the sloppy gruel down our throat.
The boy next to me nudged me and they wanted me to draw straw to ask for more gruel so we all picked a piece of straw and I got the longest. I felt embarrassed, but I was brave at the same time. Then I got off the bench and my stomach turned round in circles I slowly walked to Mr Bumble then I reached were he could hear then I swallowed then I said ” please sir may I have some more” he shouted At me really loud I gulped then ran then it got really dangerous
I ran as fast as the wind.Then I went under the table and all the boys were kicking me. I jumped from table to table.then I pulled the first set of bars down but fell down onto the cooks and Mrs Mans arms then I shivved with lots of fear. Then I got caught by them and I got locked in a coal cellar and cried.
Wow Megan I love your start to a brill diary entry! 🙂
Well done Megan you have used some really good adjectives.Next time try using some commas,to break up your sentences.
This morning I woke up and felt really tired. The deafening bell rang it made every one jump. We walked down the stars, the hall was as dark as a cave. The hall was as dirty as a puddle. Mr bumble. Opened the hall Door and he saw me siting at the table.
Mr Bumble walked in the room and started at the children.Some of the children was playing with straws and however got the biggest straw had to go up to Mr Bumble and ask for some more.I was frightened he had butterfly’s fluttering in his tummy and then Mr Bumble took Oliver Twist at sit in the snow to sell and then someone said “he said how much is he the then Mr Bumble said £5.
Thursday 11th September 1840
Today was a horrible day sleeping in that horrible bed. It was like a nightmare. Imagine sleeping with 30 boys.just hen the loud,deafening bell rang and me and the other boys went down the steps. The steps were so steep you could slip.
When we got our gruel it bubbled in the metal pot. After me and the other boys picked a straw. I had the biggest straw so I stood up with fear and slowly walked up to Mr Bumble. I asked him for more. Now my heart dropped out. I asked him for more again and then he shouted at me so I let go of my bowl and ran.I tried the window but it had bars I fell and got locked in the pitch black cellar.
Thursday 11th September 1840
This morning I woke up to a deafening snore.I sat up as I realised it was only one of the boys messing on the stone floor.
I was as sleepy as a bat in the day time as I fell out of bed.
Out of nowhere the bell rang and I was shocked. Me and the other 49 boys went to get our food.
We pulled out straws to see who had to ask for more food. Unfortunately I had the longest straw so
I had to ask for some more food.
As I walked slowly through the middle of the room i asked mr Bumble if I could have some More food. He shouted at me so I repeated my self he was shocked so as they chased me around the room. The other boys kicked me as I crawled under the benches when I came out at the other side they grabbed me and took me to the governors office.
That was cool Jay. I liked it when you said the deafening snore 😎
Thursday 11th. September 1850
One Morning I woke up In a wooden bed I Didn’t get a Good Night sleep and it was so uncuterbul And there was 50 other boys sleeping in the room .Then we went down for our Wet Gruel then we had to see who had the biggest straw to ask for some more gruel and It was me. The workhouse was as dull as muddypuddle.
Then I Walked past evry tabbel Then I Was nuvers becuse Mr Bumble was looking streat at me that momment I asked for some more then some of the cooks and Mrs Mann chased me around the room .then the other boys started to kick me under the tabble .Then I climbed the window.
Then Mr Bumble pulled my ear and tried to sell me to some one elsa. My hart was powding as fast as a cheater. Mr Bumble tried to sell me on the streets .
Thursday 11th September 1846
This morning I woke up in the dormitory and I could smell the lumpy gruel in the kitchen. I then walked down the steep steers for our breakfast. When I walked in to the room my tummy started turning. Because when I saw the room it was as dark as bottomless pit.
I was petrified when I got chose to chose to ask for more as I walked over to Mr Bumble I did not want to but i had to other wise I would get bullied.I asked him the second time and he shouted at me.i then ran on the table and jumped of the table I held on to the bars and they broke the cooks caught me.
Thursday 11th September 1840
Today was a horrible day when I got out of my horrible bed. First I went down stairs to have my sloppy watery slime. Then I went to eat my sloppy gruel. After I asked for more watery slime. Mr bumble shouted and tried to catch me. Then he threw me into the coal cellar. I was waiting for ages in the coal cellar and I felt worried.
Thursday 11th September
Today I woke up sleepy. Imagine sleeping in the same room with 50 children especially if they snore. Then the bell rang and we marched down the rickety stairs to get our gruel. Then the gruel dropped into the bowl. We heard Mr Bumble walking on the wooden floor and I felt scared.
18th December 1838
Dear Diary,
You wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had! The dirty orphans got a short straw, but I was so unlucky and I got the tallest one of the lot. I slowly trembled towards the grumpy, old master (never show this to the master, he would kill me.) I stuttered to ask him for more bubbling gruel, but it ended in a complete disaster! The master tried to catch me, so I started running as fast as a lightening bolt.
Plus I had the most awful night sleep. The owls were making such a noise, then some of the boys were snoring and my bed kept on creaking. It was the worst night’s sleep ever.
Oliver Twist
Brilliant work Chloe maybe use another word for dirty.
Chloe d you could use disgusting
18th December 1838
Dear Diary,
Today I had such a bad day because I picked the longest straw, so I had to go ask the dreaded Mr.Bumble for more gruel. As I walked towards dreaded Mr.Bumble, hundreds of eyes started looking at me that made me more nervous, as I walked down to him I thought what would happen to me?
All I’m going to say is that it didn’t go well, it was awful. I got chased, running as fast as a cheetah. It didn’t help because I hardly got any sleep, all of the boys were snoring.
Oliver Twist
This is amazing Rebecca I can clearly see a picture in my mind! 🙂
We’ll done Rebecca I can see you had a good description from Luke 🙂 🙂
Wow……. Well done becca,very good use of adjectives.
18th December 1838
Dear Diary,
I can not believe that I am probably going to get kicked out just because I had asked for more dismal gruel! I absolutely hate that evil, old, fat man who only cares about food. All I ever had was the other orphans and a huge,dark building to live and work in and to sometimes sleep in. But I always wondered, did I ever have a family?…
Well, any way I am not looking forward to tonight. I mean sleeping wise because the beds aren’t even warm! Also the other skinny boys make it even less pleasant.
Oliver Twist
Wow Tom a good use of adjectives.
Good work Tom,good use of words & well done for using dismal gruel:).
Great work, make sure your sentences make sense!
Brilliant work Tom
You did a good diary next time talk a bit more about Oliver from. Aaron 😉
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
I had the most hopeless day of my life. Some of the workhouse boys and I had some straws all short except one. Who ever pulled out the long straw had to ask fat Mr Bumble for some more gruel.
So we did,oh no it was me, I had picked the long straw! So, trembling I picked up my bowl and started walking to mean mr Bumble. I said literally whispering “please sir more gruel. “What! More, then I ran dropping my bowl, Mr Bumble looked horrified and the boys were laughing.
Oliver Twist
Great work
18th December 1838,
Dear diary,
I have had an astounding day! This silly, stupid Oliver Twist said “please sir, can I have some more?” I shouted what. Scratch him, snap him, bounce him, pick him up and chuck him. I had to try and get him, finally I got him, yes!
Earlier, I was sharpening my blue knives. I had silly six boys peer though my horrid, rusty window. I waved my knives in the air, which means go away in my language. The beds for Oliver Twist were like sleeping on lumpy rocks. Apparently to Oliver I sleep in a comfy room not a horrible dormitory. It is not colourful to that in Oliver’s mind he thinks. Think anyway to him I am 30 tonnes.
Mr Bumble
By Luke
We’ll done Luke you have used lots of adjectives I like it
Thank you.
Great thanks.
Well done Luke you have got some good adjectives,your description is great.:-)
We’ll done Luke make shore your sentences make sentce.
18th December 1838
Dear Diary,
I have had the most awful day ever. The cheeky workhouse boys came up to my shiny window and disturbed me while I was eating. Then I went into the food hall they all saw me and sat down. Not long after that I decided to bang my golden staff.
As soon as I banged the noisy staff the starving boys started to eat like a bunch of animals. I was just about to bang my lovely staff again but the sneaky Oliver Twist came up and asked for some more disgusting gruel. I shouted “what!” He just said it again but I just screamed “get him !” I sent everyone else to get the irritating Oliver Twist.
Mr.Bumble.
Fantastic work Paige you had good description .
Amazing adjective’s Paige!
Well done Paige I really like your diary 😉
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
Today I had the most dreaded day of my entire life. I pulled the longest straw, it was colossal. The worst thing about it was that whoever pulled the longest straw had to ask the wicked Mr Bumble for more gruel!
At dinner time the other workhouse boys were curious to find out what was going to happen to me,suddenly the evil Mr Bumble burst in through the open door. There was extreme silence,everyone froze especially me. I was shaking,then I said …”please sir, I want some more” there was a pause, suddenly…WHAT! He boomed,I saw him filling up with rage, he sent his evil henchmen after me and that was that….
Oliver Twist.
I liked a lot of things about your diary entry Jamie, I liked your adjectives and your description was awesome!
I like the way you have wrote colossal,great entry Jamie.:-).Well done. Paige
18th December 1838
Dear Diary,
Today I had the most horrendous day. I was hungry and so were the other workhouse boys, so we decided one of us should go and ask the mean Mr.Bumble for another portion of disgustingly sloppy Gruel. We couldn’t decide who should ask the mean old bear, so we decided to pick straws.
The person whoever picked the longest straw would ask.Unluckily,I picked the longest straw so I walked up there worried clutching my cold, metal bowl. I was so terrified. My master is as evil as an angry lion and I really didn’t want to face him.
Oliver Twist
Well done Olivia,good adjectives (mostly grisly bear). 🙂
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
I was very astounded today because Oliver Twist came and asked me for more misty gruel. I was very surprised, I thought he liked it. I shouted “what more?” and I sent my henchmen after him. He got away so I chased him instead of my henchmen.
The workhouse boys helped me chase him around the lovely workhouse as well. But earlier when I was sharpening my knives those cheeky little boys kept peeking through my window so I waved my hands in the air then they went away .
I hope I don’t see those toe rags again!
From Mr Bumble
Fantastic work Charlie b great
Great work Charlie you did great description
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
I was absolutely disgusted by the dirty workhouse boys. They came up to my rusty window and watched me eat my delicious food. After that we gave the dirty workhouse boys their sloppy gruel and hopefully they ate it all.
Suddenly Twist came up and asked for more gruel. I was utterly appalled!
Mr. Bumble
Awesome Bethan I can see you tried extreamley hard on your mr bumble diary entry. From will:)
Mr. Bumble
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
Today I was asked by a little, dull workhouse boy for some more filthy gruel! I was annoyed when the cheeky, little boy came up to me.
I was so angry when the awful boys peeked though the window. I was also not very happy, so I stood up and sharpened my knives. After that the boys got down…
The boys ragged clothes were old, they were ripped and some of them have got big holes in them. They kept on walking on the horrible black floor.
Mr.bumble.
18th December 1838.
Dear diary,
I had a horrible day because the boys decided to draw a straw. It felt like I had butterfly’s in my stomach because I drew the longest, golden straw.
I had to go up to the intimidating Mr.Bumbleto ask him for some more disgusting, sloppy gruel and he said “what!” Then Mr. Bumble started to chase me and it felt like I was going to get kicked out of the wooden work house. The guards started to chase me I was scared I didn’t know what they were going to do with me .
I had a worst night sleep the beds felt like laying on hay and it was really itchy. I would of slept better on the cold and snowy streets .
So long, Oliver Twist
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
I had a horrible day.I drew the long straw.I had to walk down the dusty long hall to ask the intimidating Mr.Bumble for more sloppy gruel then every one started chasing me and I ran for my life.
I thought that I was gonna get caught.Every one started kicking me.The beds were squeaking, it was the worst night ever.It was horrible especially with all the other boy’s! I had to sleep in the same bed as them. Luckily I escaped from the workhouse. But then I went to Mr.Sower Berry, I could imagine walking beside a black horse I would love it.
Oliver twist.
Well done,lily,amazing use of adjectives
I love the range of adjectives lily:D
😀
I like how you’ve described some things in your wonderful piece of writing 🙂
18th december 1838
Dear diary,
How dare those arrogant workhouse boys peak into my dusty office when I’m eating my delicious chicken? I hit my golden staff on the floor and the work house boys were eating like mad! Cheeky Oliver Twist came to ask for a another portion of sloppy gruel. I shouted what! which means no in Bumble language.
After I had shouted, I sent some ragged workhouse boys after Oliver Twist ,he ran for his life. The governors told to sell Oliver. I managed to sell Oliver to a man called Mr Sowerberry who is a funeral director.
Oliver Twist
Great work Liam:-) I really like all of the adjectives you have used.
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
I have had the worst day ever because I grabbed the long piece of straw and I asked the anxious Mr Bumble for more gruel! The day didn’t go so well. After that I started to sprint around the workhouse and Mr Bumble’s horrific guards started to chase me but they caught me.
The guards were so happy, but I wasn’t. I was trying not to cry and I didn’t. He took me to the governors office and they checked me and said “get out!” and I did and I finally escaped.
Oliver Twist
18 December 1838
Dear diary,
The workhouse is black,the masters rich,the gruel is grey and us boys have a stitch.
Yes,the poem is once again telling the rotten truth,because I picked the long straw and had to ask intimidating mr bumble for more sloppy gruel and not surprisingly he said what which means no in bumble language and sent his useless henchmen after me.
So you can guess I had a bad day but I’ve had much worse.You seriously should have heard his booming voice,and his size,he must weigh at least twenty stone,(personally I think he breaks the scales.)
Oliver Twist
P.s. Today was the 29th worst day ever.
I really liked the bit when you did a poem.will(:
18th December 1838
Dear diary
I have had the most awful day. I drew the longest straw & had to ask the the dreaded Mr Bumble cautiously for more horrid gruel. it certainly didn’t end well because Mr Bumble chased me all around the extremely old work house and he ordered his henchmen to get from in front of me but I wasn’t going very fast because for 1° I didn’t sleep very well because the beds weren’t very comfy & I fink I would be better of by sleeping on the cobbles than the extremely old work house with the loud hullabaloo. 2° the masters don’t give us very much food so I definitely wouldn’t go very fast.
Oliver Twist
Make sure you sentences make sense.
Ok(:
Amazing Will,I like your brilliant adjectives,to improve try to not use very twice. 😀
Well done will! I enjoyed reading your diary entry
well done lily I really like your work next time don’t make your sentences so long.
Dear diary,
I had the most horrible day.I drew the straw with the note in. So that meant that I hat to go and ask the wicked Mr.Bumble for more disgusting muky gruel but it went awfully wrong.He sent his henchmen after me you won’t believe what happened! They caught me. So they gave me to Mr.bumble. He draged me round the room by my ear then he draged me in to the marsters offis and they said to sell me. They maniged to sell me to a man called Mr.sowerberry.
Oliver Twist
18th December 1838
Dear diary.
I had a terrible day because I had to eat horrible, watery gruel and after my gruel we all had to pick a straw. However I got the biggest one and has to go and ask Mr Bumble for some more gruel. When I got up there I asked if I can have some more. What, more! He sent his henchmen to chase me. At one point they caught me, then Mr Bumble sold me to somebody called Mr Sowerberry.
Oliver Twist
Fantastic work Imogen you have used an range of good adjectives 😀
Good work Luke I like your adjectives and the bit where I am 30 tons
Outstanding work Will.:D
Well done Bethan I really like your work don’t make it so small:D
I liked a lot of things about your diary entry Jamie, including your adjectives and your description was awesome!
18th December 1838
Dear diary,
I had a horrible day because one of the filthy maggots asked for more gruel, can you believe it? So I sent my henchmen after the filthy boy, and they caught him. I took Oliver to the governors and they told me to throw him out!
Mr bumble
Good work Chloe D! 😀
Dear diary,
I feel really angry today, one of the work house boys came and asked me for more food.
I was so furious I sent my men after Oliver. We caught him! After we took him straight to the governors and they said to throw him out the workhouse!
Mr Bumble