Friday 28th March
For today’s task, we will be writing a description of an incredible place called ‘Tengami’ on the iPad. The children in Class 3 at Walcott and Class 3 at Martin will be writing their descriptions onto the blog. We hope you enjoy reading them.
We’d love to know what you think of them. Please post comments and tell us your thoughts.
From Mr McCann 😀 and Mrs Grooby 🙂
Steps to Success for each group:
Extended writing target – To use adverbs and adverbial phrases
Click here to find out about what adverbs and adverbial phrases are.
Group 1
- Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
- Use powerful verbs.
- Use adverbs.
Group 2
- Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
- Describe their emotions.
- Use powerful verbs.
- Use adverbs.
- Include at least two adverbial phrases.
Group 3
- Use similes, metaphors and personification
- Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
- Describe their emotions.
- Use powerful verbs.
- Use adverbs and adverbial phrases.
- Write in paragraphs.
I can’t wait to use the iPads again! From Tiffany! 😀
I can’t wait to see all the comments. From Joseph.s 😀
Use similes, metaphors and personification
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs and adverbial phrases.
Write in paragraphs.
One dark and stormy night, a brave warrior crept anxiously through the land. His name was Hiro. Hiro was as scared as a endangered animal being hunted down by poachers. Every twig that snapped was like a cry for help.The trees were having a late night party, dancing in the wind.
A short while later, he spotted a house in the distance. Courageously as he came closer to the mysterious building he occasionally looked back over his shoulder. The entire land was filled with silence. Hiro slowly walked up some more steps, however he was in the right mind to turn around, and go back where he came from. The long grassy path was covered with moss as it had not been cut for a long time. He gently turned the door handle and the door opened with a very faint creek. Hiro walked in very inquisitively. Moments later Hiro was in the old rickety building. He explored the grand house and was interested in learning more. As he looked around Hiro could see the most incredible sight… “What could it be?” He thought worriedly. He was blinded by the brightness of the object.
By Tiffany
One day, a brave man called Hiro explored a magnificent place. Constantly he cept looking back to chek if any wolfs were following him but the wolfs were not following him.A few minuets later he was deep in the forest. By Lilly.
That was really good Tiffany. From Joseph.s
Dear Class 3 at Martin,
We can’t wait to read your Tengami writing. We hope you are enjoying it too. We will choose our favourite 3 pieces of writing from your class, if you could do the same for us? The 3 people chosen will get tasty prizes!
From Mr McCann and Walcott Class 3 😎
Use similes, metaphors and personification
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs and adverbial phrases.
Write in paragraphs.
One dark windy night, a brave warier the warriors name was Hiro. crept slowly through the land. He saw a mysterious hut in the distance. He walked cautiously towards it. You could now see the hut as Clear as day. The huts roof was a Samaria’s helmet protecting the maze like patterns under neath. moments after the warier walked up the stairs to the top of the balcony. Slowly and carefully he opened the door to the strange hut, he put he hand round the door handle an opened it. The warier when he opened it he found hut that he was in the top of the hut not the bottom. The warier looked mysterious at where he had ended up. He was inquisitively of what was happening here.
Why was he here…
By Evie P.
Really good work Evie. I liked when you said on one dark windy day 😉 by Lewis
I love that you’ve got the word warrior in your story. From Joseph.s 😉
Well done Evie p. I liked your descriptions of tengami. Next time you could use some more similes. Otherwise I can’t wait to hear your next piece of writing on the blog. From Tiffany 🙂
Wow Evie.p. That is really good. From Chloe 🙂
Use similes, metaphors and personification
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs and adverbial phrases.
Write in paragraphs.
One late dark windy night, Hiro anxiously walked thought the descended land… Hiro was trying to find something , something that was special, something that was mysterious and light. When Hiro Interestingly walked, though the small quiet hut, he realised it was entirely descended,and nobody was in this exiting planet.’ What is this, I can’t find it.’ wondered Hiro, ‘ I must be close to it, I must be close now’ now curiously wondering were it was. Hiro wondered about, looking upstairs and looking in every direction. Soon Hiro saw something in the glimpse of his eye, it was pink, it looked light and it looked familiar, ‘ it must be it!’ Said Hiro, he then quietly tiptoed to this mysterious object, as he walked closer he then realised that it was that object, he then started to run to it, when he reached to this special flower he wanted to pick it up, but he didn’t knew what will happen next…
When he nearly picked the object up, he then stopped and wondered about what will happen! Was he going to freeze again or will he just stay normal? He then though about the past when he picked up a familiar object he turned solid, ‘ if it will happen again, I am not going to risk it’ thought Hiro. It was exactly the same one…
Hiro By Mercedes!
Nice piece of writing Mercedes, next time you could use some more description. From Tiffany:-)
WOW! I really enjoyed reading that. From Joseph.s
Use similes, metaphors and personification
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs and adverbial phrases.
Write in paragraphs.
Late at night Hiro discovered a old house as he approached he realised that no one was home. He causally crept towards the hut. Suddenly he opened the door he could see the flower to get back to his tree. He was so excited but there was something in his way and he couldn’t get to it he said to himself ” I’ve got to find another way” so he went out of the house to find another way.
As he crept down the stairs he saw a very nice gate so he went through it.
By Matthew
That was great Matthew. From joseph.s 😎
Well done Matthew, check your organisation in your first sentence. Otherwise very good piece of writing. From Tiffany! 🙂
Use similes, metaphors and personification
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs and adverbial phrases.
Write in paragraphs.
Early one morning, Hiro was creeping slowly through a forestry town. Not knowing what lay ahead. In a flash He randomly looked round a gate. It opened and and a portal appeared. A moment later The trees surrounded an enchanted garden. He walked through wooden house. He suddenly realised no one was home. He freaked out Feeling scared lonely. He was very carful angrily knowing the wooden building could fall down any moment. He courageously crept up stairs. Once he got up he gladly whispered” yippee.” The Hiro hungrily looked for something to eat but there was nothing. The Hiro cautiously went back to the enchanted garden. Suddenly, he quickly ran like the wind. In a flash, aglitter of stars filled the dark sparkling sky.
A moment later, he fell in a hole. The ground shook so he ran as fast as lightning. He saw an incredible sight…
Hiro By Ben
Cool piece of writing Ben. Really enjoyed reading that description of tengami. From Tiffany 🙂
Steps to success:
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs.
Include at least two adverbial phrases.
Late one night, a man called Hiro crept cautiously through the woods. The darkness of the night was a blanket for the world. The mid evil landscape covered the universe. Hiro constantly scourges the woods while rapidly solving puzzles. Hiro enthusiastically continues his mission to find all the pink flowers. Hiro searches the woods 24 7. Hiro uses almost all of is life up in the woods. Every day Hiro risks his life sprinting from wolfs and making them fall asleep.
By Jay
Good writing Jay, remember in your first sentence it could have been in the past tense. From Tiffany 🙂
Bright and early in the morning, Hiro cautiously crept into the woods. Full of trees. in the in the japan woods he found a little house and his hands shook with fear. If someone was nasty in the wooden house. That looked very creepy was so scary and he crept up the stairs carefully so he did not make a sound and he found something that had caught his eye in the very middle of the room caught his eye…
After a long wait there was a lotus flower.
By Megan
Late one night, there was a dark figure and that man’s name was Hiro. He looked around and saw a house. As fast as he could, he walked to it and he looked inside anxiously hoping know one would be there. As soon as he new know one was there he went in there very quickly. As soon as he got in he saw some thing in the corner of his eye…
After a few hours, He realised it was a lotus flower.
By Joseph.S
Well done Megan, I like the personification you have used. Remember to read through your writing to check for any mistakes. From Tiffany 🙂
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs.
Include at least two adverbial phrases.
The man walked slowly through the darkness towards a shadow. It was cold and icy.
He stepped quietly towards the house. Finally he reached the dark and shadowy object. The mans name was Hiro. Hiro realised there was nobody in. He opened the door. Something caut the corner of his eye. It was a lotus flower. It was pink and beautiful. He
had to get it.
By Pollyanna
Great description of tengami Pollyanna, remember to read through your writing for any mistakes! From Tiffany 🙂
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Describe their emotions.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs.
Include at least two adverbial phrases.
One winters night a man named Hiro quietly walked though a beautiful garden of lights. You could hear the calm water flowing under a bridge he had come across earlier. Usually Hiro would admire the forest in front of him. He felt amazed.
Maybe he could have a drink from the waterfall. He could get a cup out of his rucksack.
By Evie L.
Wow Evie.l I really like that. By Chloe.
WOW! Evie that is reading very well. Next time you could use a simile or a metaphor! From Tiffany 🙂
Once there was a very brave man named Hiro, and he was exploring this magical world. At night it was scary at day it’s wonderful. He was courageously walking though the dark scary woods when all the wolfs were howling. he was very brave, to walk though the woods. the moon was like a Chinese Langton floating in the air, there was a large and mysterious cave witch was very grey. Then there was an other portal in the cave he walked though it then it was day. With a sparking lake witch looked amazing, Hiro thought it was completely amazing. The water full was slowly flowing. By Lewis
Wow. I really like that, well done. From Chloe.
Well done Lewis next time you could use a metaphor but I really enjoyed reading that tengami description. From Tiffany 🙂
Once they lived a young man named Hiro . He cautiously walked round the beautiful and sparkling river. He kept looking behind his back when he was walking cheerfully because wolfs might be foiling him. Then he pulled a flap then he was in a house then he went up some stairs then he got a Pink flower. Then he ended up with a lot of pink flowers. The next day I came to the river again and we did the same thing over and over again I have already told you wot I did. From Aaron
Cool tengami description Aaron, next time try and make sure you put the right adverbs in the right sentence! From Tiffany 🙂
One late night, a mysterious Japanese man called Hiro was slowly walking through a very gloomy forest. Later that day Hiro heard a howl, he didn’t now what it was but he new it was danger! So he wildly ran like the wind trying to loose the wiled animal that was smelling his blood! After a minute of seconds Hiro saw that the animal had diserper . Hiro new he should have not ran, but as he said it he found out that he didn’t now were he was. He slowly crept around trying to see if he could make out were he was. I wasn’t possible, he didn’t now were he was so Hiro tried to come the way he came, but he just found himself back were he started. What will happen next…
In the morning, Hiro was slowly walking and was back at the same time something caught his eye, it was a really mysterious rock. It was a fantasy rock, Hiro had seen them in fantasy stories he had read, so he looked around again and saw that, no one lived in the houses, no one came to the big city, and there was not one person in sight. This is a really weird place. Hiro went into action when he madly walked and woke up a wolf. The wolf was so angry that he chased Hiro and that is when Hiro went into action. He hid behind a tree trunk and lost the wolf! And then he found the louts flower and filled a pice of the tree.by Chloe.
Group 1
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs.
Once they Lived a young boy his name was Hiro. He was a brave ninja. he always goes into the woods all the time. When I did the wolf was following me i am running away from him. I must leave this place there is no place to run out of here, I must be dreaming wake up wake up and it was not a dream. I have got to hide quickly …I just remember that when it is day light the wolf dies but it never goes to daylight I am so angry that I would want to kill them. So I came to this telpuly
Hiro By James
Group 1
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs.
Once they lived a cheerfully little person called Hiro. He was anxious as Hiro nervously crept to the waterfall weakly.As he got there the beautiful sparkling rivers were ahead of him. Slowly as the howling wind blew, then a weird sound came behind him.Cautiously Hiro looked back,cruelly Hiro saw a ancient stick ,then he looked back and saw a wolf and frantically and wildly ran off as the wolf followed Hiro on top of hill.
Hiro By Vincent!
One late night, a mysterious Japanese man was walking through the woods very slowly. His name was Hiro. While he was walking through the path of the woods he heard a howl. He stopped near a tree and then hid behind it. It was silence, but not for long because another wolf howling from not a far distance. He thought it was the same wolf what howled the first time, but it wasn’t. It was a different one what howled the second time. It was silence again. But just then another wolf howled. The last one that howled was not far away at all. Suddenly the wolves jumped out from no where. Hiro quickly ran as the wolves were chasing him. The wolves chased him and chased him, until they were tired so they just lent Hiro and went back to there home and then they went to sleep.
In the morning, Hiro went to explore the woods. He was very careful this time. He made sure that the coast was clear.
By Alanis
Wow Alanis. That is the best I have ever heard in history. Well done. From Chloe. 🙂
Well done Alanis. Next time you could use more similes but overall i really enjoyed reading your description of tengami! From Tiffany 🙂
Hiro wildly walked the woods. Hiro walked wildly the sparkling water. Hiro walked cruelly through the forest. Hiro cruelly open the door. Hiro cruelly goes through the seek door. Hiro sneakily through the secret door. Hiro zoomed through the secret door.
By Sophie
WOW! That was great sophie. From Joseph.s 8)
Group 1
Describe the hero’s journey through the land.
Use powerful verbs.
Use adverbs.
Once there lived a gently brave man his name was Hiro who was happily all the time. One stormy night he headed into the dark eery woods.He saw a wolf howling in the distance Hiro crept courageously through. then he came across a beautiful glimmering water fall . He thought to himself what a magnificent water fall. He approached the glimmering. He slowly put his hand to wards the
Ancient water fall suddenly a voice was heard you dare touch that water fall I will take.you down and we will have a fight alright we will have a fight together ok tomorrow we will have a fight ok deal deal. Right see you tomorrow. By Sam
Well done Sam. That is great. You are a big whiz. From Chloe. 🙂
Well done Sam. That is a really good description of tengami. Maybe you could use a metaphor next time. Otherwise I can’t wait to read your next piece of writing on the blog.
I can’t wait to see who wins the competition. From Joseph.s 😎
I hope you guys in class 3 enjoy Tengami as much as I am. Your writing will be amazing as the app is really good to write about. Victoria