Class 3 at Walcott have been writing their own fantasy stories. Have a read of their first drafts for their dilemma. In the dilemma, the main character enters the fantasy world. Afterwards, the main character meets a guide to the fantasy world (who warns them of an evil character). Finally, the main character finds out about the horrible things the evil character is doing in the fantasy world.
Parrots – Steps to success:
- Use good openers.
- Try to excite the reader.
- Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
- Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
- Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
- Include speech and speech marks.
- Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
- Include a complex sentence.
- Write in paragraphs.
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
- Use good openers.
- Try to excite the reader.
- Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
- Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
- Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
- Include speech for the characters.
- Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
- Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
- Write in paragraphs.
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
- Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
- Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
- Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
- Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
- Use capital letters and full stops.
- Use connectives to link your ideas.
My fantasy story by Matthew
Parrots – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
As he looked into the mirror he was frowning but his reflection was smiling. He thought he was dreaming so he went to go to touch the mirror hoping to feel the coldness of it but instead of feeling the coldness he felt nothing and just fell through it…
When he got through it he could see the phenomenal place ever in his own life. He saw the trees dancing like crazy he thought they were having the time of there life’s. Then he saw something like a lizard so he followed it.
Well done Matthew this is a great dilemma. Next time just add some more similes and metaphors and personification. From Evie.P 🙂
I like the personification that you used Matthew. 2tp. Next step,
try to re-read your sentences. Some of your sentences are actually two simple sentences, so remember to add punctuation. Can you spot them?
Great work Matthew, try next time to use some description about the mirror, if you haven’t in your build up. But other wise great! 🙂 from Mercedes
My fantasy story by Matthew
Parrots – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
As he looked into the mirror, he was frowning but his reflection was smiling. He thought he was dreaming, so he went to go to touch the mirror hoping to feel the coldness of it.But instead of feeling the coldness he felt nothing and just fell through it…
When he got through it he could see the phenomenal place ever in his own life. He saw the trees dancing like crazy he thought they were having the time of there life’s. Then he saw something like a lizard so he followed it. The lizard whispered “This is the land of colours.”
” Wow it’s amazing!” Replied Yanis happily ” Oh yeh by the way i’am Yanis. What’s your name.”
” My name is Cannon are you new to this place.” Replied cannon
” yes I am.” Whispered Yanis ” I guess you’ve been here for a while.”
” Yes I’ve been here for five years” said cannon ” There is one bad thing about this place there is a fire queen who is very evil.”
” That sounds fiery.” Whispered Yanis.
All of a sudden the ground began to shake. “Ahhhhhhhhh run for your lives.” Shouted cannon ” It’s the fire queen she’s knows we’re here and she’s on to us.” So they ran and ran until it was to late…
The fire queen jumped out in front of them. She said to them ” Well,well,well look who we have here? cannon and his little friend.”
” What do you want with us you ugly looking person.” Shouted Yanis
” Yea what do you want with us.” Shouted cannon
” I want your friend to come with me to my castle.” Said the fire queen
” ok.” Said Yanis
“Let’s go then.” She said
A couple of hours later they got to the castle of the fire queen. She took Yanis to her fire dungeon and loked him up.
I like how you said the queen is ugly. Next time make sure you check your punctuation. From Sam
WOW! I really enjoyed reading that Matthew. Next time, you could try and use a few more complex sentences! Otherwise great! from Tiffany! 🙂
WOW! Mathew I really enjoyed that. Next time probably use a simile! Otherwise that was great! From Joseph.s 🙂
COOL! I loved reading it. Next time try and add a few more adjectives, otherwise it’s awesome! From Mercedes 🙂
Dillema By Pollyanna
Rosey awoke in a forist. It was dark and the trees seemed to surround her. She got up and sat by a rather large tree. She looked around. The forist was cold and it didn’t take long for Rosey to relise it was night. Rosey was scared she couldn’t here a thing the forist was silent she could only here the leefs rustling in the wind.
Suddenly a shadow approached Rosey ran to the dor but it was locked so she hid behind the nearest tree hoping that the charicter hadn’t seen her.
This is very exciting writing Pollyanna. 2tp. Next step,
you have missed out 3 full stops. Can you find where they need to go? Try to use powerful verbs (ran – dashed) (walk – crept).
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Dilemma
Rosy awoke in a forest. It was dark and the trees seemed to surround her. She got up and sat by a rather large tree. She looked around. The forest was cold and it didn’t take long for Rosy to relies it
was night. Rosy was scared she couldn’t here a thing the forest was silent she could only here the leafs rustling in the wind.
Suddenly a shadow approached Rosy ran to the door but it was locked so she hid behind the
nearest tree hoping that the character hadn’t seen her. The footsteps grew louder and louder. Who is it? She thought to herself. In a few seconds the characters hand reached out and took hold oh her hand “it’s ok don’t be scared” she said. “My name is Harriet”.”hello Harriet” said Rosy.
Harriet and Rosy where walking through the forest . The ground shook. “What’s happening Harriet?” cried Rosy. “I will tell you later”cried Harriet. A minuet later a figure approached. Before Rosy could say another word the figure grabbed Rosy and flew off “help!”screamed Rosy.
Great Pollyanna, it really gave me a picture of what the setting looked like! Well done! From Mercedes 🙂
WOW! I really liked that pollyanna. From Joseph.s. 🙂
Fantasy story Dilemma By Chloe
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Dilemma
After a few minutes, Roxy found herself in a mysterious place that she had never seen before. She looked around, trying to see if she could recognise the place. But Roxy didn’t now were she was. The sky was as dark as a dark thunder cloud. The forest trees covered Roxy’s head! The trees sang in the whaling wind. Roxy thought to herself “I wonder were I am. This place is so weird!” Suddenly a formula voice came out of nowhere! “What was that!” Said Roxy. Roxy wasn’t in the mood for exploring so she kept on trying to find out we’re she was.
Later that day Roxy jumped with shock. She herd the sound of twigs snapping. Roxy hid behind a big log that was to big to carry. Then Roxy held her breath! Would she survive or not? Later that day, Roxy had a little peep to see who is there.
Wow! Chloe this is a superb piece of writing. 2tp. I really like that you have used dramatic sentences and you even included a question to excite the reader! Next step,
try to avoid using the same time connectives. Also, try to include some powerful verbs (crept, leapt).
Great piece of work Chloe, you are defiantly going to be a level 4 in no time! From Mercedes 🙂
Fantasy story Dilemma
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Dilemma
After a few minutes, Roxy found herself in a mysterious place that she had never seen before. She looked around, trying to see if she could recognise the place. But Roxy didn’t now were she was. The sky was as dark as a dark thunder cloud. The forest trees covered Roxy’s head. The trees sang in the whaling wind. Roxy thought to herself “I wonder were I am. This place is so weird!” Suddenly a formula voice came out of nowhere! “What was that!” Said Roxy. Roxy wasn’t in the mood for seeing what it was, so she kept on trying to find out we’re she was.
Later that day Roxy jumped with shock. She herd the sound of twigs snapping near her. So Roxy crept behind a big log that was to heavy to put somewhere else in this mysterious land. Then Roxy held her breath when she was behind the log. Later that day, Roxy couldn’t hear the sound of twigs snapping. Roxy decided to see if the person had gone away. But she was still there.
Fortunately, the person turned out to be a very kind person. “Why are you hiding behind that very big log?” She asked trying to see if she nows Roxy. “My name is Roxy,” said Roxy still trying to hid behind the log. “Lets sit down and talk a little bite. “I need to tell you something. Are you a little girl or a big girl? Are you a big boy or a little boy? She asked. “I am a little girl.” Replied Roxy confused. ” My name is Len.” Said Len. “A very nasty but funny wised is planing to take over all of the little girls in the world. He told me to find all the little girls so she can kill them. You are the first on I can find. Will you please for give me?” “Of corse I will.” Said Roxy.”just one thing.” Said Roxy” what is the mean wizards name?” “It’s name is well I now what everyone calls her. It’s the meanest wizard in the world,” he said ,”but I like to call him mr smiley.” “Is mr smiley nice, kind and full of the best kind hart in the world that does everything himself?” Asked Roxy. Suddenly the sky was crumbling.
Smash! Something went crashing down. First it looked and sounded like a bird, but now it doesn’t even smell like a bird. “Oa no,” said Len in shock,” that must be mr smiley! Quick Roxy we will hide behind that big log you were hiding behind when I found you.” But mr smiley was waiting there with a big fluffy pillow. “Oa did I scare you Len. I only want the girl not you. So hand her over!”said mr smiley. “No he will never hand me over. I am only a little girl but apparently I can tell the time. So you have no write to boss him around.” Said Roxy. Suddenly a rope dropped out of fin air! Roxy was court. But instead of killing Roxy mr smiley just put Roxy in the prison sell! Roxy was prison!
By Chloe
Wow you have put a lot of writing on to this work. You should be proud of this work 😎 From James
Dilemma by Ben Parrots-steps success
Use good openers
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
After hours of falling Nicholas and Beamish hit the ground at 300mph and somehow it didn’t hurt, not at all. Nicholas explored the hole at the bottom. The dark hole was as dark as a world with no sun, no moon and not even stars. Nicholas tripped over. Although Nicholas got scratched, he didn’t give up. Suddenly, a small door opened. He didn’t know where it went to, so he went in…
On the other side of the door there was a unusual place. The sky was a black blanket. The trees shivered with fear, you could here them groan. The bridges were curved like the moon. The houses had blades at the top of the riged roofs. The blades were as sharp as skin. No kidding! Broken glass!
In the distance a dark shadowy figure appeared.Nicholas whispered to beamish “what is it?”They both hid behind a tree. That tree moaned like me when I get told off. The figure came closer. It said “I will help you”.
Well done Ben really good. From Tiffany 🙂
This is brilliant writing Ben. 2tp. You have organised it very well and included excellent figurative language. Next step,
careful adding humour. ‘The tree moaned like me when I get told off.’ This might be more suitable for a diary entry. You could rephrase as ‘The trees moaned, like a young child hurt.’ Also, make sure you include enough detail in each paragraph before you move onto the next part of the story. This will help the reader to follow the story easily.
Great Ben! I loved the bit when it said ‘ no kidding! ‘ from Mercedes 🙂
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
.
After wile he was still looking around at the weird picture. suddenly something pulled his arm it was his shadow that’s funny it’s my shadow I did not know shadows move when I move?suddenly he was in the dark he suddenly know he was in the sky falling then lee looked down Lee finally knew what was going on the picture was magic. As he ran throw the trees in the corner of his eyes he saw a rusty hotel.
By Vinny
Well done Vinny I really like the bit when the picture was magic. Next time remember capital letters at the beginning of sentences. From Aaron
Superb descriptions Vinny. 2tp. I like the phrase ‘in the corner of his eye’. Next step,
like Aaron suggested, make sure you include full stops where they are needed and capitals. Also, try to include some more descriptions of the fantasy setting, so that the reader can truly imagine what it is like.
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
After while he was still looking around at the weird picture. Suddenly something pulled his arm it was his shadow that’s funny it’s my shadow I did not know shadows move when I don’t move?suddenly he was in the dark.
He suddenly knew he was in the sky falling then Lee looked down, Lee finally knew what was going on the picture was magic. As he ran throw the trees, in the corner of his eyes he saw a rusty hotel and it was as old as a volcano touching the sky.
Then someone walk past so he dived in the bush feeling furious then the mysterious person when he saw the bush he said to his self “I wonder who that is after 5seconds he creeped to the bush and pulled the branch and saw a unusual
person “what are you doing here it’s very dangers.”then they started talking about the horror witch. Then the turtle said “what’s your name”my name is Lee” after 1hours later lee said “what’s your name” my name is Luke but I can not remember my first name because that horrible witch stole it and changed my name to Luke, Suddenly aloud rocket appeared “follow me” (said Luke)they ran as fast as a plane but the rocket kept being behind them.after that the witch dived out of the rocket and took Lee away by Vincent
Well done Vinny. I really like your work. next time you can put some personification and a metaphor. But it is good 🙂 From James
That was really good vinny. Next time probably use a simile like the leaves were as colourful as a butterfly or it was as scary as a goast. From Joseph.s
Parrots – Steps to success
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
My dilemma for fantasy world by Tiffany!
As Nancy tumbled down the mysterious object she found herself in the unknown. She felt boiling as this was no ordinary world, it was magical and majestic. Everything around her seemed to be a blur. Nancy told herself to wake up however she was no longer dreaming. Although Nancy liked to explore she just wished she was back at home in her nice, cosy bed. Nancy could just make out that the weird shaped object In front of her could be trees. She sat straight up and realised she was in a mysterious garden. She didn’t know who owned the garden, but that didn’t matter at that moment in time, the point was she had been knocked out unconscious and didn’t even know where she was. The ‘trees’ were now dancing in the wind having the time of their lives.
After a while Nancy spotted a mysterious figure approaching. Jumping behind a bush, Nancy hoped he or she hadn’t seen her just yet. The person came closer towards Nancy. Her heart felt heavy…
Superb writing Tiffany! 2tp. I really like the complex sentences that you have used, which give the reader more details about the difficult time she is having. Next step,
try to check your organisation. I think I would possibly split your first paragraph into two paragraphs. I would have the first paragraph about being drawn into the fantasy world and the second about her first impressions of the world. Occasionally, you may need to explain your ideas slightly more. ‘She felt boiling’ doesn’t necessarily tell us how she is feeling. You might have said: ‘She realised that her temperature was rising and she felt like she was boiling!’
Thank you mr McCann. I will try to include that next time from Tiffany 🙂
Parrots – Steps to success
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
My dilemma for fantasy world by Tiffany!
As Nancy tumbled down the mysterious object she found herself in the unknown. Where could she be? She realised that her temperature was rising and she felt like she was boiling. Everything around her seemed to be a blur. Nancy told herself to wake up however she was no longer dreaming. Although Nancy liked to explore she just wished she was back at home in her nice, cosy bed.
Nancy could just make out that the weird shaped object In front of her could be trees. She sat straight up and realised she was in a mysterious garden. She didn’t know who owned the garden, but that didn’t matter at that moment in time, the point was she had been knocked out unconscious and didn’t even know where she was. The ‘trees’ were now dancing in the wind having the time of their lives. ‘Hello’ Nancy called out. Strangely there was no reply.
After a while Nancy spotted a mysterious figure approaching. Jumping behind a bush, Nancy hoped he or she hadn’t seen her just yet. The person came closer towards Nancy. Her heart felt heavy… ‘ uh hello what’s your name?’ Nancy murmured.
“My name is Zach,yours?”
“Oh Nancy, my name is Nancy.”
“oh Nancy I’ve been looking for you. I think you’d better come with me before anyone spots you!'”
“Ok” said Nancy shyly as her mother had told her never to follow strangers.
Nancy was led to a little cottage in a forest. It suddenly dawned on her, how would she ever get home? ” whatever do you mean before anyone spots me?” She asked.
” i mean” Zach replied slowly. ” Serena might spot you.”
” who’s Serena? ” said nancy with a slightly worried look on her face.
” do you know anything? Serena is the golden witch. She rules the place and will as long as she shall live unless someone defeats her.” He turned around again and continued on to the front door. When they got there Nancy and Zach went over to the fire to warm their hands. Nancy had found out that Serena (the golden witch) had many people on her side and a pet that guarded her fortress. She also then knew who is good and who is bad In this weird and wonderful Land. ” well we really do need someone to defeat this dreaded terror now don’t we?” Exclaimed Zach.
” c’mon i will take you on a tour of this place.” So they both went into the magnificent garden and had a nice, long stroll through the magical wonderland. “Oh no, I forgot my pocket watch. I never leave home without it! I’ll quickly go back and get it. Don’t talk to any strangers Nancy!” He said.
“I won’t.” Replied Nancy. She was now in the dark forest on her own. All of a sudden, an old lady approached. “Oh hello.” She mumbled. “Would you care for a nice cup of tea with me at my cottage?”
“Oh I would love to but… Before Nancy knew it she was rushed away to a place where no one would find her. When Zach came back he realised what had happened…
Fantasy story dilemma by Megan
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
After a few minutes later Rebecca woke up in a different place she had never seen before. Darkness had surround her. In a long distant the mist was swaying side to side. It was as cold as ice. It was as wet as snowflakes melting into water. The trees danced slowly in the wind. When the wind had stopped the trees stood as still as soldiers. The wind howled in the far far away distance. The river flowed down the stream. The stream flowed down the river. The sky was as dark as as oft black blanket in the sky. The quickly ran to the to find the way out of this strange place. The morning came past .she was terrified when she couldn’t get out of this strange place. How would Rebecca get home?
Later that day a shadowy figure appears. The shadow didn’t even see Rebecca a single bit. The shadow came closer and closer and Rebecca hid. The sky was as dark as a lions cave. It was so dark you could not see a single thing only with a big lightbulb in the air in the sky.
Wow! Megan you included lots of exciting descriptions of the fantasy setting! 2tp. Next step,
remember to read through your writing to check it makes sense. Check for punctuation as there are a few commas to add. Secondly, try to add more descriptions of the character and how she is feeling.
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success: by Evie L
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Two days had passed, and they still had the bug. All of a sudden Amber awoke to find that she was, in a wonderful palace shequickly went to get the others but they were not there, maybe only herself went through she said quietly. She decided to explore the palace and find someone to tell where she was and why she was here, I am so hungry,I’ll go to the kitchen.
Hi Evie I really like your dilemma just next time use a simile or metaphors but you could be a level 4 soon. From Megan 😀
You have included some nice ideas Evie! 2tp. Next step,
try to read through your writing and check for missing full stops and also remember to organise your writing into paragraphs. Megan is right, a few more descriptions would be nice.
Two days had passed, and they still had the bug. All of a sudden Amber awoke to find that she was in a wonderful palace, she quickly went to get the others but they were not there, maybe only she went through. Amber said quietly. Then she decided to explore the palace and find someone to tell where she was and why she was here. “I am so hungry,I’ll go to the kitchen.” She found the kitchen, it was as large as a football pitch.
Then all of a sudden, Amber heard some foot steps coming towards her. Quickly she dived behind a nearby door and held her breath, would it be a good person or bad person? It started to open the door. “Aaaaah” she screamed and ran out of the kitchen.
“Wait” shouted the person,
“What, you monster!?”
“I am trying to help you.”
“Why?”
“There is a evil Queen in this castle.”
“Ehh?” Said Amber.
“Yes” replied the lady.
“Oh well thanks by.”
“Please come and I will show you round.”
“Ok but first tell me your name.”Amber shouted (because there was a stamping noise)
“My name is Maise.”
“Maise.”
“Why?”
“Never mind it’s just my sister is named Maise.”
“No it can’t be.”
“Yes it is.”
By Evie.l
I am soooooooooooooooo eager to see the rest. From Joseph.s 😀
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
After ten hours the trees where dancing in the mid night sky. There was a dark and gloomy and damp forest. The trees where blocking the moon lights shine in the forest . The wolfs were howling in the wind and it was so Loud Bobby could here it to.
There was a strange character in the distance.
By Aaron
Wow! Wonderful descriptions of the setting! 2tp. Next step,
try to add more descriptions of the character and his emotions. You could also include some more short sentences about what was happening in the story, to make it dramatic.
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use capital letters and stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
After ten hours the trees where dancing in the mid night sky. There was a dark, gloomy and damp forest. The trees where blocking the moon lights shine in the forest . The wolfs were howling in the wind and it was so Loud Bobby could here it to.He felt sacred. He stamped on a twig he thought it was a monster who stamped on the twig.
There was a strange charter in the distance . But he turned out to be a nice and friendly charter . She was a girl called Alice . “Hello. You should not be here. “Said Alice kindly the guide. “I am new here”Bobby replied . I will show you around this place . There is a evil which and you never look into its eyes because the which will turn you into a crocodile . Her teeth are rotten because she will never brush here teeth. Her breath is really stinks .
After a while later bobby and alice were walking coming from the sky . “He fort it was the evil more but they still could here the rumbling sound . Then the sun came out the sun was as as lazier beans .
Then a evil which called Leah I am going to take you to my pails from Aaron
Well done Aaron. I liked it when you said the trees blocked the moon light 😎
Steps to success for Parrots
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
Mercedes’ fantasy story!
After a longtime Gwen had woken up, Gwen felt dazed and worried,as she open her eyes. ‘ what had just happend ?’ Gwen thought. As she looked round she could see the brightly lit world, and the trees danced sadly from side to side. She touched the floor and she could feel the soft, grass slide across her hand. Gwen could hear the gushing river in front of her, it was light blue with moss on top. she could also hear the sound of the sweet robin near by her calling in every direction. Gwen then realised that non of this was real it was all puppet… and nothing was ordinary!
Gwen then heard a sound of twigs being cracked, she then heard it again! ‘ what was it? ‘ Gwen murmured, she then saw a strange figure now running towards her! What was she going to do?
Finally the strange figure approached her, Gwen then realised it was a girl. As the girl approached Gwen asked politely ‘ excuse me, but what is your name?’ The strange figure then replied,
‘ my name is Quinn what is yours? ‘
‘ my name is Gwen. ‘
‘ oh, I have been looking for you Gwen!’
One word Mercedes! WOW from Tiffany 🙂
What do you mean Tiffany ‘ one word’ ? From Mercedes
She meant that the one word to describe your writing would be ‘wow.’ 🙂
I agree with Tiffany! Definitely a great piece of writing! 2tp. Next steps,
remember when using speech:
To put speech marks around the words being said.
To start each piece of speech with a capital letter.
To punctuate the speech before we close it.
To start a new line for each new speaker.
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
After a long moment. She sat up in this unusual place. I thought to my self were am I must be dreaming. Is anyone here but all I could see was trees dansing in the wind, and the moon shining all over me All over the plase is was dark. so 5 minutes later I move a little more I did not move lote because there mite be beast. But in said thay was none I was calm as a wolf howling calmly.
Then this shadow approached he wisperd to him it was russed the dog that what my name is I. I will show you around
by James
Great effort James! 2tp. I like that you have used personification to describe the trees. Next steps,
try to make sure that you keep your story in the 3rd person (Bob, He, She, They, Him, Her). Also, if you want to include the character speaking, make sure you use speech marks. So remember:
To put speech marks around the words being said.
To start each piece of speech with a capital letter.
To punctuate the speech before we close it.
To start a new line for each new speaker.
Parrots – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
My fantasy world Dilemma by Evie.P
Elizabeth found her self in a very strange place. She looked around and saw she was in a very dark forest. She stood still staring everywhere. All the trees were looking at her in confusion and whispering to each other. The root knotted carpet filled the ground tripping Elizabeth up when she was not paying attention. In the wind, the trees were trying to grab her with their branches. The forest was as cold as ice and was as dark as a bottomless pit. Elizabeth was frozen to the ground as she was scared to move. Where ever Elizabeth went she felt she was being watched by someone. The forest was eerie and frightening. Elizabeth was beginning to have goosebumps and she was shivering with fear. Elizabeth saw something in the distance it was colourful and beautiful. When she got closer she just made out it was a enchanted kingdom. ” it is beautiful.”
Suddenly the castle doors opened and a girl ran out. The girl spotted Elizabeth hiding behind a tree.” how did you get here ”
” through a door ”
” what door there is no door” Elizabeth turned around and no door was to be seen. ” by the way what is your name because my name is Elizabeth” ” oh mine it’s Abby
Wow! Evie P. this is brilliant! 2tp. I like that you have made your first paragraph very dramatic. Next steps,
check your first paragraph as I think it could be split into two. One paragraph to describe the setting and one to describe the approaching figure. Secondly, remember the rules of using speech:
To put speech marks around the words being said.
To start each piece of speech with a capital letter.
To punctuate the speech before we close it.
To start a new line for each new speaker.
My fantasy world Dilemma by Evie.P
Elizabeth found her self in a very strange place. She looked around and saw she was in a very dark forest. She stood still staring everywhere. All the trees were looking at her in confusion and whispering to each other. The root knotted carpet filled the ground tripping Elizabeth up when she was not paying attention. In the wind, the trees were trying to grab her with their branches. The forest was as cold as ice and was as dark as a bottomless pit. Elizabeth was frozen to the ground as she was scared to move. Where ever Elizabeth went she felt she was being watched by someone. The forest was eerie and frightening. Elizabeth was beginning to have goosebumps and was shivering with fear.
Elizabeth saw something in the distance it was colourful and beautiful. When she got closer she just made out it was a enchanted kingdom. ” It is beautiful.” Suddenly the castle doors opened and Elizabeth hid behind a tree. A girl walked out. The girl spotted Elizabeth hiding behind the tree. ” How did you get here? ” asked the girl.
” Through a door. ” replied Elizabeth
” What door there is no door?” said the girl in confusion. Elizabeth turned around and no door was to be seen. ” where’s the door gone.” Cried Elizabeth
” By the way what is your name because my name is Elizabeth?”
“Oh mine it’s Abby but never ever go into the castle.” Asked Abby in a curious voice.
” Why.” Replied Elizabeth.
” there is my mother in there and she is called Lucinda.”
” it’s just your mother and mothers are very nice.” Said Elizabeth in a silly voice.
” she is evil though, she’s a witch.” Replied Abby In a dark voice.
” she can not be evil although”
“But she is!” Interrupted Abby shouting.
” ok ok I believe you now” said Elizabeth quickly before Abby got cross.
” she has browny dark hair, green eyes, a purple cap and dress also there is some black on her cap and dress as well. She likes wearing her pointy hat and she finally has a wooden wand.” Said Abby in a scary voice. Elizabeth was getting frightened hearing it and she was trembling with fear. Just as Elizabeth was about to speak the wind started to blow wildly…
” what’s that it looks like a bird and a pretty one at that. Is it a bird?” Asked Elizabeth to Abby
” that’s not a bird that’s my mum, Lucinda quick hide.” Cried abby they hid behind a huge stump and Abby hid behind a tree. Lucinda saw the girls and flew down. ” we’ll Abby I was looking all over the castle.” Told Lucinda to Abby. ” who is this girl”
“It’s Elizabeth”
“Come with me girl” said Lucinda. Elizabeth followed Lucinda.
Well done Evie that made me sit on the edge of my seat wondering What would happen next! From Tiffany 🙂
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
My fantasy forest dilemma by Alanis
After a few hours,Tia woke up in a mysterious place that had never been seen before. Darkness was surrounding her but then there was a little glow in the corner, she followed it. It led her to a house. She could smell chicken. She followed the smell, she found where the smell was coming from. The smell was coming from a kitchen in the house. Tia went outside to se what was out there. While she was out there she could here the wind in the far away distance. She nearly fell over because it was that strong. She quickly ran inside and went back into the kitchen. While she was in the kitchen she had a bite off of the chicken but then she was still hungry after that so she bit another peace off, after that she went to find the front room and then when she found it she lit the fire and put her feet up. Tia thought to her self I shouldn’t be here,how do I get home to my parents.
Brilliant effort Alanis! 2tp. You have included lots of the features of a fantasy story in your writing. Next step,
remember to group your writing into paragraphs, as this will help you to avoid rushing. Take your time to describe the setting in the first paragraph and then your characters in the second one.
Cool Alanis it is awesome. From Evie.p 😀
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
The dilemma by Sam.
After a few hours he was sucked through the mysterious door. He felt a bit lonely and after a little while he wished he had never gone through that door. Later that evening he arrived at a forest, the trees were howling at him and the forest floor was covered in crunchy leaves. The leaves were crunching under Richards feet, it was hurting him. Richard wanted to go home he missed his mum and dad. The forest was still howling at him. He was still looking he tout to him self this is a destruction forest it looked like a man had chopped them down with his chain saw he had.
A mysterious character appeared the shadow grow bigger and bigger he told me he was a guide Richard thought
By Sam
Wow! Sam this is superb writing! 2tp. I really like the detail that you have added and how you are also using paragraphs. Next step,
try to reread your sentences to check that you have used the correct punctuation. Your last two sentences are actually at least 4 sentences!
Thank you for the comment I will check my next piece of work. You’re the best teacher I ever had from Sam 🙂
Well done Sam. It’s very cool from Matthew
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
My fantasy story dilemma by Harry
The laver was flowing in the wind.
After a few days, Lucas found a person was sitting at the corner of a wall Lucas went to see what was the mater. When Lucas got to the person Lucas said to him hello what is the mater.
The person said nothing he just ran away I was very scared .The fire was as hot as a uvon. I saw that person again with a fire person. The person called help help.
A few minutes later, Lucas had a chiose of gowing home or saving the person.
Great time connectives Harry! 2tp. Next step,
Remember to use speech marks in your writing.
Good writing Harry 🙂 from Tiffany
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
A fantasy story by Jay
Gonza awoke to An incredible museum he had to explore. He looked up and saw the moon flashing it’s torch. It seemed like a warning symbol or something. But that doesn’t matter right now. Gonza turned around and saw some trees through the windows dancing slowly. BANG went something from behind. Gonza turned and saw a shadowy figure in the distance cautiously walking towards him and when she got near she said don’t be afraid eat some food from this world and you’ll be fine here. Her name was Tira.
Brilliant dilemma so far Jay! 2tp. I like the personification that you have used and also the way you have spoken to the reader. Next step,
try to group your sentences into paragraphs about a subject. For example, your first paragraph should be a description of the new fantasy world and the second one could be about a mysterious character who appears in the distance.
Very cool Jay. From Matthew 8)
That wasn’t good Jay, that was brilliant. From Joseph.s 😎
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Joseph.S fantasy story
After a few minutes Electra awoke in a unusual place. Where am I” she said. She gazed all around at her surroundings. The trees danced like they were having the time of there lives. The darkness told her that this was a scary place. She turned to see if she go back home through the mirror,but it had vanished.
A few hours later she was deep in the forest.
Great so far Joseph! I like the descriptions that you have used in your writing. 2tp. Next steps,
try to include more detail about Electra’s reaction to this new setting and how she is also feeling.
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Joseph.S fantasy story
After a few minutes Electra awoke in a unusual place. Where am I” she said. She gazed all around at her surroundings. The trees danced like they were having the time of their lives. The darkness told her that this was a scary place. She turned to see if she go back home through the mirror,but it had vanished. Electra was scared but she ventured more into the dark and erie forest. At this point Electra was missing her parents. A lot of lonelynes sweep over her like a blanket.
A few hours later, she was deep in the forest. Then Suddenly she herd a twig snap in the distant. She ran towards the sound of snapping twigs. She came to a sudden stop as she saw a dark figure. She hid behind an old and snapped bush hoping he didn’t spot her. Her heart was pounding as the figure came closer and closer until he finely reached her. ”Who are you” she said. ”I am called maxi” he said softly. ”Who are you?” “electra” she said. “You look hungry” he said “yes I am quite hungry” I will take you to a shelter to get you some food” thank you?”
A moment later, now they were nearly at at the hut,but then the ground started to shake “what’s happing?” Said Electra worriedly.
“The snow witch, she’s after you! Quickly hide behind a tree!” Shouted Maxi.
“Where is that human?”
“know were master ubaba” “ah I see her I will take her to my plaice and turn her into snow.” A few hours later she was locked away in a dark and erie dungeon.
Wow Joseph I like the fact you used some similes. Next time you could use some personification. From Pollyanna.
Good Joseph. From Matthew 😎
Thanks for a positive comment. From Joseph.s
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
As she got pulled into the trap door Harriet was confused and she did not know where she was because she had never saw this place be for so she starred looking round and she definitely had not been hear but she still explourd this merstearis place when Harriet looked she and the trap door was not there.
Suddenly a shadowy object approached
By Lilly
Great effort Lilly! 2tp. You have included lots of nice ideas. Next step,
I would like you to read through your first paragraph and put the full stops and capital letters in. It is very important that you add these otherwise it doesn’t make very much sense.
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
As she got pulled into the trap door Harriet was confused and she did not know where she was because she had never saw this place before. So she started looking round and she definitely had not been hear but she still explore this mysteries place. When Harriet looked she saw the trap door was not there.
Suddenly a shadowy object approached and she did not know who it was so Harriet hid behind a big rock when the shadowy object got closer he said “what is your name?”my name is Harriet” “what is your name she said” my name is garfiled I will show you around this mysterious place. And be careful of the evil witch because she can do what she wants to you.
By Lilly
Well done Lilly. Next time just add some similes. From Evie.p 😀
Well done Lilly, great dilemma and by the way before is spelt like how I just spelt it. Next time try and add a simile and metaphor. I like the way you thought of using a trap door as your mystic gateway. From Ben 🙂
We’ll done Lilly. I like how you said she was being pulled though the trap door. From Sam 🙂
Cool Lilly. From Matthew 😎
Oh dear Lewis. Where is your writing for the blog? I had asked you to post it before going to your golden time activity. Please see me.
WOW! I really enjoyed reading everyone’s work as they all contained very good vocabulary! From Tiffany 😀
Mr McCann I thought I could post my fantasy story that I did at home.
My fantasy story by Evie.p
Once upon a time there lived a girl called Ashley. She lived with her mother and father but her mother was very evil. Her father was lovely and cared for Ashley lots. One day When Ashley just woke up her mother said “go and leave this house immediately” so Ashley went but when she was near her friends house she knocked on the door. then the door flung open and out popped her friends head. Ashley’s friend was called Abby. She said ” hi Ashley why are you so far from home” “my mother said leave the house straight away and never return.” “Oh so you have had a bad day then.” “Very” so then Ashley said “do you want to go to the park” ” yeh let’s” so of they went to the park. When they got there they did not realise that there was a hole in the middle of the park and then suddenly they slipped and as fast as lightning they were down the hole
Down the hole they went screaming loudly but nobody heard them. Well someone did it was Ashley’s mother who heard them screaming.she laughed loudly but not loud enough because they could not hear. So when Ashley and abby was screaming they both were crashing into cobwebs and skeletons “are we going to turn into one of those Ashley.” “I don’t know just stay calm and don’t scream any more ok.” When they got to the bottom they did not feel like themselves…
They both felt like they had wings and they we’re hovering above the ground and when they looked at there backs they had sparkly beautiful wings and relised that they were fairys When they looked round they were in a beautiful garden witch was full of even more beautiful fairies. When they took one wing flap into the garden everybody stared at them because they had the most sparkly wings in the whole garden. ” what are they looking at us for” wispered Abby
“Your wings they are beautiful and my friend would love to see them too” So they went to the fairies house and saw a little tiny fairy being hold by a teenage fairy. “Hello girls my name is flutter what is yours” “hi I am Ashley and this is my friend Abby.” “This is my friend rose and this is my little baby Olivia” said flutter ” we are not real fairys not really we fell down that hole and came down as fairies and we need your help to get back up.”up where”said flutter and rose confused “the hole” replied Ashley “what hole there is no hole” rose said back they turned around and saw nothing at all. All that was there was a filled hole nobody could fly up or climb up. They looked really upset and frightened because they had no mother and father again. Rose told them”do not be so upset we will try to get your mother and father back” flutter gave them a tissue to wipe away their tears.
Night fell all over the land and rose and flutter told them that they would make them a bed until morning came. When Abby went to sleep she had a really bad dream she dreamt about a monster scratching them till they were bleeding all over. But then Ashley came and saved them. She suddenly woke up with a fright because Ashley was screaming loudly. Abby quickly got out the bed to see what was the matter. Ashley was being attacked by big dragon. Abby thought of what she could do to help Abby then quick as a flash she had an idea. She stood right in front of the dragon and said…….
“Let go of my friend now you big meanie” ” why would i do that with my dinner now little fairy” “you are a talking dragon” ” well yes can all other dragons can talk too. You trying to destrack me little fairy aren’t you ” ” no and my name is Abby big dragon.” “Abby my name is Felix the dragon.” ” Felix that’s a nice name” ‘we’ll thank you ” then the dragon let go of Ashley because he wanted to show of. Ashley was amazed at what Abby just did because Abby is always scared of big mean dragons. “Abby that was amazing you saved me.” Then the dragon said in a dark voice ” I will be back I will be back.” Then the dragon went of to his cave far far away.
Dilemma by Ben Parrots-steps success
Use good openers
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
After hours of falling Nicholas and Beamish hit the ground at 300mph and somehow it didn’t hurt, not at all. Nicholas explored the hole at the bottom. The dark hole was as dark as a world with no sun, no moon and not even stars. Nicholas tripped over. Although Nicholas got scratched, he didn’t give up. Suddenly, a small door opened. He didn’t know where it went to, so he went in…
On the other side of the door there was a unusual place. The sky was a black blanket. The trees shivered with fear, you could here them groan. The bridges were curved like the moon. The houses had blades at the top of the rigged roofs. The blades were as sharp as skin. No kidding! Broken glass! The moon was the only light. Beamish barked.(dog)Nicholas got scared stiff, like a statue. He looked back to see if the hole was still there…
It wasn’t. Nicholas ran. His mouth dropped. Beamish lay down. Despite he was tired, he carried on.
In the distance a dark shadowy figure appeared.Nicholas whispered to beamish “what is it?”They both hid behind a tree. That tree moaned, like when a child is hurt. The figure came closer. It said “I will help you.”
Fortunately, the shadowy figure appeared to be a really nice character. The shadowy figure said curiously “what are you doing behind that tree”
Nicholas(Nick) replied “I thought you were a bad character”
“Why”replied the person
“What’s your name” asked Nick
“Tom” replied Tom
Tom wore a Bow and arrow. He has a white beard and white mustash he wears straw hat to and a black clock. He told me about an evil character. He said she’s called Queen Dee Doo. Her eyes are as red as lava. Her heart was pure evil. Nick freaked out. Tom carried on. She is miniature and all her powers are magic and she uses them when ever. Nick said “otoh.”Tom whispered “She’s a Frog.” She has a big fat nose. Her mouth is like a an elephant. Surprisingly, Queen Dee Doo(Dee Doo)has no beard and an boy hair
A short while later, when Tom and Nick were minding there own business…
The ground shook with fear. “Oh no” he shouted “it’s the the evil Dee Doo frog! Run!”
A spike came out of the ground. It grew bigger and bigger and bigger. Nick said “what is it”
Tom replied “I don’t no it must be a new vehicle…It’s a drill” It was to late.
Well done Ben that is a great story! From Tiffany 🙂
William – Geoffrey and the World of Water
A long time ago there was an old train station. Some children lived there. It was dusty and old and the train driver lived there as he was retired. The old man was kind and carm. Since he was thirty he had being trying to fix his old tender engine and his three carriages. The engine was as old as a posterseukus.
The old man starting fixing the tender engine suddenly he heard a noise and was pulled in from the front of his engine! As slow as a slug he entered a world of trains he had never seen before. As he opened his eyes he saw lots of water, trains were running on wires and steam was turned into multi-coloured bubbles. He was now in an underwater world and could breathe.
Geoffrey started to explore and saw an old rusty train. When he boarded the train’s cabin the train transformed into a bright blue and gold steam locomotive. All of a sudden a little red and blue fish swam into the cabin as the train set off. “Hello Geoffrey you must get out of here before the evil whale comes!” “why?” said Geoffrey. “The whale will turn you into a train just like the one you are riding on”. “How will he do that to me?” said Geoffrey. “The blue whale will put a spell on you”.
The little fish quickly swam out of the cabin and disappeared. Geoffrey started to explore the train. Inside the carriages were lots of little fish reading books he looked around in amazement. When Geoffrey went in to the next carridge he suddenly fell “nnnnnooooo” shouted Geoffrey!!! The little fish saved Geoffrey and stopped the train. Just then the blue whale snatched Geoffrey and took him halfway down the sea canyon. He tried to wriggle free and escape but try as he might he couldn’t.
Well done William, I really liked the way Geoffrey said “nnnnnooooo!” Next time try to use some more similes, metaphors and personification. On the other hand, well done. From Chloe 🙂
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
The dilemma story by Sam.
After a few hours he was sucked through the mysterious door. He felt a bit lonely and after a little while, he wished he had never gone through that door. Later that evening he arrived at a forest, the trees were howling at him and the forest floor was covered in crunchy leaves. The leaves were crunching under Richards feet, it was hurting him. Richard wanted to go home he missed his mum and dad. The forest was still howling at him. He was still looking he thought to him self ‘this is a destruction forest it looked like a man had chopped them down with his chain saw.’
A mysterious character appeared. The shadow grew bigger and bigger. As he rushed to hide from the man, he hid behind a fallen tree. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m a kind man” he said.
“What is your name my name is Richard”
” nice to meet you Richard my name is Kevin now I will show you round the forest” Richard looked back but it had vanished before he looked back he told me he was a guide he walked me to the castle but it was bit far away suddenly seconds later the ground started to shake like a rocket taking off in the midnight sky falling down to the ground. Hours later we finally arrived at the castle. This is a castle nobody would dear go in to this wicked castle who knows what will happen to Richard. As Richard put one step on the mat he was shriving with fear suddenly he rang the door bell then it all went silent then the wicked which stormed though door luckily Richard duked in time. she said well well we’ll look how have here a little boy now tell me your name
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
My fantasy forest dilemma by Alanis
After a few hours,Tia woke up in a mysterious place that had never been seen before. Darkness was surrounding her but then there was a little glow in the corner, she followed it. It led her to a house. She could smell chicken. She followed the smell, she found where the smell was coming from. The smell was coming from a kitchen in the house.
Tia went outside to se what was out there. While she was out there she could here the wind in the far away distance. She nearly fell over because it was that strong. She quickly ran inside and went back into the kitchen. While she was in the kitchen she had a bite off of the chicken but then she was still hungry after that so she bit another peace off, after that she went to find the front room and then when she found it she lit the fire and put her feet up. Tia thought to her self I shouldn’t be here,how do I get home to my parents. Then she went Outside again because she thought she would forget about it but she didn’t so she stayed out there,while she was out side a boy saw her and then he went to her. Tia was wondering should I talk to him or should I just ignore him. She said to the boy can you give me a minute please. The boy said ok I will just be waiting out here. Tia went in,had a deep breath and had some water. She had thought if she could talk to him or not. She went back outside to the boy and started talking. While they were talking they asked each other what there names where. The boy asked the girl what her name was called and the girl said her name is called Tia then the girl asked the boy what his name was called and the boy said that his name is called Zach.
Later that night Zach showed Tia around. Tia thought the place was wonderful but when Zach mentioned about the evil fire queen. Tia was very scared and she was that scared that her hands were shaking with fear. All of a sudden the trees and the ground started shaking and leaves we’re falling down. Tia and Zach tried to find a shelter to hide under. Tia had never seen anything like it before. Tia asked Zach what was happening, Zach said that it was the evil fire queen who hates children. Tia thought how mean of her. There’s no time to lose said Zach. It was to late…
Suddenly, the evil fire queen approached. The evil queen quickly grabbed Tia and took her to her place. When she got there she put Tia in with the others who she had captured.
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech for the characters.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a compound sentences (try a complex sentence).
Write in paragraphs.
Jay – Gonza and the world of history
Gonza awoke to An incredible museum he had to explore. He looked up and saw the moon flashing it’s torch. It seemed like a warning symbol or something. But that doesn’t matter right now. Gonza turned around and saw some trees through the windows dancing slowly. BANG went something from behind. Gonza turned and saw a shadowy figure in the distance cautiously walking towards him and when she got near she said “don’t be afraid eat some food from this world and you’ll be fine here”. Her name was Tira.
“Don’t worry,” she said “I’ve known you since you were knee high to a grasshopper”
CLANG went something Gonza had to trust Tira “ok” he said “i will stay with you for now “.
Do you know what made that noise a minute ago no said Tira.
Fantasy story dilemma by Megan
Snow Leopards & Rabbits – Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
After a few minutes later, Rebecca woke up in a different place she had never seen before.she felt weird in this place. Darkness had surround her. In a long distant the mist was swaying side to side. It was as cold as ice. It was as wet as snowflakes melting into water. The trees danced slowly in the wind. When the wind had stopped the trees stood as still as soldiers. The wind howled in the far far away distance. The river flowed down the stream. The stream flowed down the river. The sky was as dark as as a soft black blanket in the sky. The quickly ran to the to find the way out of this strange place. The morning came past .she was terrified when she couldn’t get out of this strange place. How would Rebecca get home?
Later that day,there was a shadow that was gigantic.she felt terrified when the shadow had appeared. The shadow didn’t even see Rebecca a single bit.The shadow came closer and closer and Rebecca hid behind a bush. The sky was as dark as a lions cave. It was so dark you could not see a single thing only with a big lightbulb in the air in the sky.then it happened to be a caring person he asked “why are you here what are you doing hiding behind a bush,what is your name” he replied.” My name is Rebecca what’s yours”?
“My name it’s Abby”. ” That’s a nice name” replied Rebecca. Hold my hand I am going to take you somewhere.”where though” asked Rebecca. “Somewhere special” “I will hold your hand if it is safe” “let’s go” replied Abby “come on then”. So they flied away. Suddenly the ground started to shake and shiver. There was an ice blue chariot appeared in a far away distance while the sun that shone brightly in the sky.then Abby mentioned ” that is the queen of ice she can freeze you if you don’t do what she tells yo to do and if she freezes you will go in her ice sculpture room” Abby whispered Rebecca whispered have you ever been in there.” “I have never ever been in there before and I hope you don’t ” replied Abby.
Later that day The queen had arrived at the hill she said ” well well well what do we have here two little girls working together ha ha ha” she said wickedly. ” we are not afraid of you ice queen “said the wicked queen. Then Rebecca got caught by the wicked queen she had made her into her servant.”Rebecca” cried Abby then the wicked queen said ” ha ha ha” now you will be one of my sculptures Abby. Do you want to be one of my sculptures” wickedly said the queen it all went quite then the queen said to late now your one of my sculptures.
From Megan
To Megan. When you have finished your story make sure you read through to check. Although it is very good. From Alanis 🙂
My fantasy story dilemma by lewis
After a while Jo was still staring at the mirror the mirror seemed to be hypnotised Jo. Then the mirror sucked him up into this very dark world the trees were as big as a mountain the world was a dark as a cave. Jo wished he did go to this world, then all of a sudden a friendly snake came out.
“Who are you?” Jo said politely.
am the friendly snake I will help you. There is an evil dragon who set the other snake’s on fire but luckily I survived the attack. I will guild you around the world make sure you follow me. just to say my name is Freddy’ there is a little house which is very safe near the lake. I know were the dragon lives it’s a few miles away. He is black and is very strong, and he has The sharpest spear ever.
Jo said please can you take me there the snake said but if I do the dragon has more than
10 dragon’s. it’s very dangerous when I went there I nearly got killed. so if I was you I would not go to the kingdom. I will give you some amour it will be diamond amour and a diamond sword. So they both went to the kingdom. the kingdom was guarded with dragons-with spears.
the snake said we need to turn into a dragon. Jo said but how do we, the snake said am magic. They both turned into a dragon and walked in. Jo said to Freddy how are we ament to talk Jo said roar like a lion no said Freddy. Just to say we need to be a servant Jo said why do we haft to. because we haven’t been there before. The old dragon’s don’t haft to because they have been there longer. Then all of a sudden the dragon pulled them both…
Golden Eagles & Dogs- Steps to success:
Describe the moment the main character finds the gateway.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use a simile to describe the fantasy world.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Use capital letters and full stops.
Use connectives to link your ideas.
Steps to success for Parrots
Use good openers.
Try to excite the reader.
Include powerful verbs and adverbs.
Use similes, metaphors and personification to describe the fantasy world.
Use interesting descriptions for the characters.
Include speech and speech marks.
Use short sentences for dramatic effect!
Include a complex sentence.
Write in paragraphs.
Mercedes’ Dilemma ( fantasy story )
After a longtime Gwen had woken up, Gwen felt dazed and worried,as she open her eyes.
‘ What had just happend ?’ Gwen thought.
As she looked round she could see the brightly lit world, and the trees danced sadly from side to side. She touched the floor and she could feel the soft, grass slide across her hand. Gwen could hear the gushing river in front of her, it was light blue with moss on top. She could also hear the sound of the sweet robin near by her calling in every direction. Gwen then realised that non of this was real it was all puppet… and nothing was ordinary!
Gwen then heard a sound of twigs being cracked, she then heard it again!
“What was it? ” Gwen murmured,
She then saw a strange figure now running towards her! What was she going to do?
Finally the strange figure approached her, Gwen then realised it was a girl. As the girl approached Gwen asked politely,
“Excuse me, but what is your name?”
The strange figure then replied,
“My name is Quinn what is yours? ”
“My name is Gwen. ”
“Oh, I have been looking for you Gwen!”
“Why? I only came in here by a touch of a old cracked mirror!”said Gwen stunned,
” Nothing to be worried about, but please follow me, and I will show you something that has been worrying the village for a long, long time.”
Gwen thought about it
“What if I will never come back?”
Thought Gwen all of her Quires zoomed around in here head… Finally Quinn said enthusiastically,
“It will be ok, I will protect you from the mean Queen, and any way she might like you, remember you can’t trust your mind can you?”
” ok, but after I do it I am going straight back!” Said Gwen hopefully.
” I will tell you about Queen Tabitha, straight away, we can’t lose any time! ” said Quinn excitedly.
” ok this is all you need to knew, she will try and control you by her powers and if she doesn’t she will try and kill you, only a couple of people have been killed, but that was because they didn’t get her the right thing so make shore you get her the right thing, ok?”
” Ok, I will try.” Said Gwen worriedly
” She is as powerful as powerful as you should find out, and her eyes as are red as a burning fire. She will also try and steel all of your memories, now we must get back to my cottage to sort things out and talk more about Queen Tabitha, now come on, Quick! ”
Whilst Gwen and Quinn walked they talked and Quinn showed Gwen around and showed were the village last stood. Finally, they both reached to the old cottage that stood in the middle of nowhere, Gwen then said,
” Is this a puppet world then or not?”
” Yes and that is why every body is scared ,because she wants to rule this secret world, and nobody likes her!”
” Oh, is that why I am here, is that why I came through the mirror to save every body?”
” Of course it is, I put a spell on that mirror so that who ever came though it they would help us defeat the Queen, and the mirror won’t come back until you complete this mission.”
Suddenly there came a roar of thunder and a flash of lightning!
” oh,no!” Quinn shouted ” We must hide quick ,come on follow me we will hide under this small bush!”
Quinn and Gwen rushed over to a small bush, but it was to late…
We’ll done Mercedes that is a flabbergasting dilemma! I liked the way you used interesting vocabulary Instead of the word ‘said’. From Tiffany 🙂
Mr McCann, I got up to the part when Serena (my evil character) tells Nancy (my good character) what she has to do if she wants to get back home.
“Ok little filth holder!”cackled the evil witch.
” the name Is Nancy.” Replied Nancy, now with a slightly scared look on her face.
“Same thing, look if you want to go Back home and see your parents I’m willing to make an offer.” She exclaimed. “We are gonna have a game of chess.” Anyone who knew Serena would know that she was the champion of chess playing, as was ever since she could remember.”If you win which you won’t of-course, you are allowed to be free from my land. however if you lose which you will, you will be trapped in here for eternity. Ha ha!”
The following day, was the day Nancy dreaded. “C’mon do you want to go home?” She told herself. ” I can do this, I can do this!” She chanted.
When all the positions were set up Serena and Nancy took to their places. They glared at each other for a moment then focused on the game itself. Many Minutes had passed and Serena was winning. All of a sudden that changed. Just with one move of a counter Nancy was In the lead.
At the end if the game Nancy had fortunately claimed victory. “I won! ” cried Nancy in relief.
“No!”screeched Serena in disgust. ” that can’t be right!” Suddenly there was a flash of red smoke. Without any magic from Serena at all, an unexpected mirror appeared right before Nancy’s very eyes. Not much later Zach appeared.” Zach” cried Nancy. “You’re back.”
“I guess.” Shrugged Zach. ” well nice knowing you Nancy. I’m gonna miss you.”
” me too” she replied.
Without a moment to lose Nancy dived back into the mirror and she was back in the cellar before she knew it. Nancy then knew what to look out for and she didn’t dare go in that particular room ever again. Nancy told her parents what had happened and I think you know what’s coming next… They didn’t believe her.
By Tiffany
I love it Tiffany! Maybe when you do another fantasy story of your own at home ,their could be a twist with the challenge so the chess pieces were made out of gold, or the chess board was humungouse! From Mercedes 🙂
Thank you Mercedes i will try and include that extra detail. From Tiffany 🙂
Well done everybody. I love all of your fantasy stories so far, keep up the good work. From Mercedes!
Well done everyone all the fantasy stories are cool. From Joseph.s 😎